Scott, To Be Certain


Friday, February 24, 2006

Those Old Chestnuts

Here is a picture of Meri Bosenavulagi:

Eats, drinks

Meri was a contestant in Australian Idol 2 who couldn't contain how happy she was inside, particularly in photo shoots.

Meri claimed to be 29 years old.

This is a picture of Taylor Hicks:

Taylor is a contestant on American Idol 5 who is under threat of being devoured by his own eyebrows.

Taylor claims to be 29 years old.

Meri and Taylor are psychotic.

Is 30 THAT bad, people?

'Cos, you know, maybe I need to prepare for this shit.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Well Known Sporting Identities No. 4,672: Susan Sarandon

Behold one of modern cinema's most iconic screen pairings.

One half of this unforgettable film duo, Geena Davis, has a history as a would-be Olympic athlete.

Pathetically, Davis finished 24th (out of 28!) candidates at American tryouts in 1999 for an Olympic berth at Sydney.

Little did Geena know at the time that this woeful showing would preclude her not only from shooting arrows in Sydney but also from representing All Women in Cinema Ever (Insofar As Acting Is Indisputably Related to Elite Sporting Competition) at this year's Winter Olympics in Turino, Italy.

Instead, it has been left to her "Thelma & Louise" co-star, Susan Sarandon, to take her spot.

Susan Sarandon: Suspicious of Lamps

Which actually makes supreme sense, because Sarandon, unlike the shit-house, under-achieving Davis, has contributed immeasurably and in various immediately recognisable ways to the world of sport.

1. Susan Sarandon is a first-rate sprinter. Look at her assume the "position" on the Hollywood Walk of Fame!

2. Susan Sarandon almost always appears in sport-themed films, like "Bull Durham", which was about baseball:

Playing against type as a batted wife

3. And "Dead Man Walking", which was about walking:

"Sean, can you believe they cast us in a politically charged film?"

3. Susan Sarandon is also skilled in equestrian events:

5. And motor sports:

6. Susan Sarandon is amazing at trap-shooting (but often can't keep her own shut):

7. And, of course, body-building:

So it's virtually risible that any sane human being with a modicum of knowledge surrounding the history of sport should be surprised at the inclusion of Susan Sarandon in the opening ceremony of An Important Sporting Event.

Thank you, Susan Sarandon, for being synonymous with sport and for contributing to it in ways we will never fully appreciate.

Does it piss you off that Geena Davis is President