Martina Apparently Still Likes To Hit It

As we all know, Martina Hingis departed the sport of tennis in a flourish of ignominy late last year when it was revealed that she was rather partial to hitting the lines off-court as well as on.


"That 'snow' is taunting me so I refuse to view it"

But after just a matter of a few months it seems she's very quickly recovered from her forced retirement (by virtue of a two-year ban for a positive cocaine test), if this news report is anything to go by.

No word of a lie: Martina is returning to competitive tennis. In Liverpool!


"I'm so excited I fashioned a shirt from my mum's old purse"

Martina is scheduled to play the Liverpool invitational tournament in preparation for Wimbledon this year, because the tournament isn't subject to her tour ban.

The corker in this whole situation is that she's so pumped for her return to match play that she's manufactured a rather hilarious PR spin to the event.

Please fill in the missing word to this legitimate Martina quote.

"I am very much looking forward to playing the event and to visit all the things that have made Liverpool the European capital of C_ _ _ _ _ _ ."

Believe it or not, but the missing word is CULTURE.

CULTURE! LIVERPOOL! CAPITAL OF EUROPE!

Martina, any hope you ever had of exonerating yourself from the dreadful slur now inextricably associated with your name is lost forever following this claim which can only be explained by reference to drugs.