Scott, To Be Certain


Sunday, September 30, 2007

Idol Top 9 - I'm Just So Glad They Got To Sing

As Scott is currently tracking down Pumpkin's family tree in China, protesting with Buddhist monks in Burma or perhaps being kept as Tanya Herman's Bitch in Deer Park - I'm afraid this week's idol blogging has been left to someone who is not nearly as good with his colon usage; Woodsman.

Mr & Mrs S2BC enjoying the sun in Tienanmen Square

Tonight on Idol was acoustic night. Not at all to be mistaken as "let's just slow every song down and sit next to a cello" night. Bobby Flynn has so much to answer for.

Speaking of people who have a lot to answer for, what was the Marcia God wearing tonight? She looked like a Logie and as for Mark - could he have looked anymore like he was on the way to fiddle some kiddies? But the rich vein of style ran right through the audience this evening with the chick who sat square behind Dicko in the audience wearing little more than 2 bandaids, a cork and a SCARF - seriously, Daniel Mifsud needs to be shot.

Our "specialist" this week who was charged with turning our pedestrian Idols into acoustic geniuses was none other than Ronn Ian Moss.

I miss Scott

Mr Moss has a new album out you see and it may or may not be acoustic. Given that Marcia manages to pimp a platinum album off the back of idol each year, he thought he might as well get in on the action...oh and he was "pretty keen to have a blow" with Matt Corby.

(Good to see Ian Moss following in the footsteps of Elton John and Rod Stewart who were "specialists" in recent series of US Idol - Go Oz.)

Whilst S2BC is renowned for his precise and insightful rankings of contestants, I do not have the nous to separate performances which could be best described as "meh".

Instead, given that Geelong is very much in the news this week and their supporters need to be brought back down to earth and realise that they still live in Geelong, I will provide you with a Pyramid scheme.

A long bow

Alas we shall continue:


Darren Gauci, "Man in the Mirror" (by Michael Jackson)

Already holding the performance of the season with Feelin Good, the Gauc defied bouts of Equine Influenza to take us to new heights with a sterling Maria Pracitan-style rendition of one of my favourite songs such rating having nothing to do with a near biblical moment on the dancefloor at Mardi Gras some years ago to the dance remix courtesy of a wicked biscuit. Looking hot and with earrings that rivalled Marcia's, we should all do exactly what the sign in the audience said and "Vote Nat Guci".

Ben McKenzie, "Hide and Seek" (by Imogen Heap)

Despite shocking us all by telling us he feels uncomfortable singing high notes, Ben managed to deliver an enjoyable version of a song i'd never heard of by a band i've never heard of. His voice is not the strongest and quite breathless at times, but he has a massive likeability factor. Unfortunately for Ben, it appears that his Proactive supply has run out and after last week's genius call of "if you want to get behind Ben, call..." by James Matheson, there was no wonder that Ben was a little nervous and sore this week.

Matt Corby, "The Blower's Daughter" (by Damien Rice)

(An interesting choice of song given he was being mentored by the singer of Tucker's Daughter who had just declared to the camera that he was quite keen to blow Matt, don't you think?)

There is little doubt that Matt will be in the top 2 this year and so it really doesn't matter that he has THE WORST HAIR I HAVE EVER SEEN and that he was dressed like a bear at the Laird. I don't understand why the boy sings with his eyes more closed than Bernadette the busker when he has such stunning eyes and knows that a solitary bat of his perfectly mascaraed eyelashes he has every 14yo girl in the country wetter than Andie McDowell in 4 Weddings and a Funeral. For the record, the performance was quite good, if unmemorable. Mark was so impressed he declared Matt as in a handful of the most brilliant people we've had on this show. Thanks Mark.

Daniel Mifsud, "I Was Made For Loving You" (by Kiss)

Daniel's penchant for scarves took a turn for the better this week donning a Magpies' scarf all over town, but even that can't alleviate my bout of irritable bowel syndrome whenever he takes the stage. Described by Dicko as the Romantic Balladeer (note to self, this may have been the 1st night ever that Dicko made no sense to me) and Mark gushed "I have never thought I'd hear a kiss song done like that" before awarding the most ludicrous touchdown in the history of ludicrous touchdowns. Apparently it is sheer genius to slow a song down and look like Alf. Nothing rhymes with Mifsud read the sign of the night - except for perhaps Cocktard.

Mark De Costa, "Yellow" (by Coldplay)

So THIS was the something "really different" that we were promised last and western Coldplay - complete with annoying pronunciation ("every thang you do") to accompany his annoying facial hair. Decked out with a white acoustic guitar which was clearly painted on, Marcia was right on the money when she hilariously declared that she "enjoyed the humour in it". Ronn Moss had his concerns though commenting that he thought Mark had trouble connecting to the lyrics, a problem that S2BC might not be struggling with in China this week - where it is indeed, all Yellow.

Tarasai Williams, Kissing You (by Deseree)

Fresh from winning a gigantic butt plug at the Korean Open this week, the Best Voice in the Competition (and about the 972nd best singer in an American Idol competition) was clearly fatigued as she delivered a rather boring and stripped back version of an already dull song. If she was going to sing something from the Romeo & Juliet soundtrack why not #1 Crush where she could have performed a sacrificial ritual of Ben Mackenzie or somethin somethin. Dicko pleaded for her to start choosing songs which she had experienced hinting that she had not kissed anyone other than her life-size jesus doll. Marcia giving one of her first "girlfriend" compliments of the season told her that she looked like a million and 1 Zimbabwean dollars in her delightful bigbird outfit.

Jacob Butler, "Somewhere Only We Know" (by Keen)

Love the song and the boy can kinda sing but oh lordy this was boring. Jacob proved once again that he only has only the one outfit as he churned out the same vest, tie and jeans look for the 85th consecutive time that somehow lead Dicko to comment that he "looked much better tonight" WTF??? Dicko has left the building. The sign in the audience read "Jacob is Idol" which was grammatically incorrect as clearly "Jacob is Idle" would have been more appropriate given that he will be back collecting nuts for the winter in the next few weeks.

Marty Simpson, "Open Your Eyes" (by Snow Patrol)

That this kid is still in the competition says it all really. It is kinda sad when someone keeps using an excuse like "i just need my guitar" and then when they are allowed to perform with the guitar, they still suck. Even Marcia is wearing thin of Mr Caravan Park '07, pleading with him to "watch your time" and to sit on a metronome or something. I can't imagine anyone wanting to spend 25c to vote for this lettuce.

Carl Riseley, some spoken word piece (by Harry Connick Jnr)

Well colour me surprised when young Peter Costello lookalike chose to sing Harry Connick Jnr and wear the exact same suit as he has every other week. Well "sing" is a strong word as he took the reins from Lisa Mitchell in the "spoken word" performance category. Whilst it wasn't anywhere near as offensive as his Waltzing Matilda molestation, I still wanted someone to scalp him when he said "Mr John Foreman" when JF did a bit of a piano solo. The hilariously brilliant ComicStripHero puts it best:

So there you have it ladies and gentlemen. I PROMISE Scott will be back next week to a radically diminished readership where he will resume usual blogging.

Of course the closing word as always goes to the Marcia God with her razor sharp insight "I'm just so glad they got to sing".



  • At 3:19 PM, October 01, 2007, Blogger that's mister nora to you, sonny said…

    You know, I kind of thought they were all great last night...but then my blood alcohol content was approximately in the 79% range by the time Idol came on, so anyone who could stand up/not choke on their own vomit was lookin pretty talented to me. 'Sall relative, I guess.

    xoxo nora

  • At 3:48 PM, October 01, 2007, Anonymous AustralianIdolFans said…

    DARREN Gauci? Did Nat have a special operation last night that we don't know about?

    Nat rocked last night.. she deserved a touchdown.. yes we've bought into the whole lame concept! Stupid Holden.

  • At 4:09 PM, October 01, 2007, Blogger Kamikaze Camel said…

    I knew that Marcia quote would be used here! Although, it could be said that many of them have indeed not been singing at all this competition.

    Halfway during Nat's performance and turned to the mother and said "She's gonna get a touchdown" and then she didn't and Mifsud did and it was incredible perplexing.

    Really though Corby's hair is atrocious. It's like it grows an extra metre every week and so he just sprays some hairspray and give it a flip. Ugh.

    "their supporters need to be brought back down to earth and realise that they still live in Geelong"

    I know! This is, like, the first weekend in the last 10 years of my life that I've actually thought "Hey, geelong is pretty cool tonight". Needless to say come next week it'll be full of fist fighting dumbarse bogans roaming the streets with piss pots and we'll be back to where we started.

  • At 4:14 PM, October 01, 2007, Blogger Kev said…

    Maybe I'm a little bit stupid or maybe I was just feeling over-emotional last night but I thought the show was pretty fucking stellar overall.

    Highlights were Natalie "Crazy Eyes" Gauci and Matt "Yes Marcia I Agree That I Have A Gift" Corby.

    Lowlights included Jacob's horrendous face.

  • At 5:51 PM, October 01, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Whilst we have disagreed at times throughout the course of our relationship, I have to say I totally agree with your assessment. I thought it was one of the better nights we’ve had but it was a bit: slow-the-shit-out-of-the-song-and-people-will-believe-it’s-acoustic. Well done Mr Woodsman.

  • At 7:02 PM, October 01, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    "DARREN Gauci? Did Nat have a special operation last night that we don't know about?"

    Do you seriously not get the reference????

  • At 9:44 PM, October 01, 2007, Blogger Kamikaze Camel said…

    They were about as acoustic as my right arm, but nevertheless...

    That was sort of disappointing that Mark got axed. Not so much that it was Mark, but that we were so close to being rid of Jacob.

  • At 10:40 PM, October 01, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Scotia: In the words of Des'ree "I'm missing you".


  • At 11:39 PM, October 01, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Alf comment = genius.

    I'm so glad you got to blog.


  • At 4:20 AM, October 02, 2007, Blogger Lauren said…

    $1,000,001 Zimbabwean Dollars equals
    $38.56 Australian Dollars

    You're one f*cking funny bloke

  • At 6:13 PM, October 02, 2007, Blogger PopGoesCanberra said…

    Good work Woodsman!

    Only disagree on Matt Corby's hair. I think it's quite beautiful.

  • At 11:08 PM, October 02, 2007, Blogger Woodsman said…

    Thanks for the positive comments but everytime i see Matt Corby's hair i have a major urge to just set it alight. Cmon that would be kinda fun wouldnt it?

  • At 2:45 PM, October 03, 2007, Blogger Adem IAR said…

    Luke, I luff you.

  • At 11:02 AM, October 05, 2007, Anonymous FranklinBluth said…

    check it out people:

    I KNEW there had to be a reason for Mifdud to still be in the competition... other than his technical prowess of course.
    Doesn't explain why Holden gave him a touchdown though... or does it?

  • At 1:52 PM, October 05, 2007, Blogger Kamikaze Camel said…

    BEN is a Hillsong member? Really? Like... really? Cause that's sorta fucked up.

  • At 11:05 PM, October 07, 2007, Blogger Adem IAR said…

    Tarisai FUCKING OWNED Britpop night. Holy shit.


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