Scott, To Be Certain


Monday, February 13, 2006

Well Known Sporting Identities No. 4,672: Susan Sarandon

Behold one of modern cinema's most iconic screen pairings.

One half of this unforgettable film duo, Geena Davis, has a history as a would-be Olympic athlete.

Pathetically, Davis finished 24th (out of 28!) candidates at American tryouts in 1999 for an Olympic berth at Sydney.

Little did Geena know at the time that this woeful showing would preclude her not only from shooting arrows in Sydney but also from representing All Women in Cinema Ever (Insofar As Acting Is Indisputably Related to Elite Sporting Competition) at this year's Winter Olympics in Turino, Italy.

Instead, it has been left to her "Thelma & Louise" co-star, Susan Sarandon, to take her spot.

Susan Sarandon: Suspicious of Lamps

Which actually makes supreme sense, because Sarandon, unlike the shit-house, under-achieving Davis, has contributed immeasurably and in various immediately recognisable ways to the world of sport.

1. Susan Sarandon is a first-rate sprinter. Look at her assume the "position" on the Hollywood Walk of Fame!

2. Susan Sarandon almost always appears in sport-themed films, like "Bull Durham", which was about baseball:

Playing against type as a batted wife

3. And "Dead Man Walking", which was about walking:

"Sean, can you believe they cast us in a politically charged film?"

3. Susan Sarandon is also skilled in equestrian events:

5. And motor sports:

6. Susan Sarandon is amazing at trap-shooting (but often can't keep her own shut):

7. And, of course, body-building:

So it's virtually risible that any sane human being with a modicum of knowledge surrounding the history of sport should be surprised at the inclusion of Susan Sarandon in the opening ceremony of An Important Sporting Event.

Thank you, Susan Sarandon, for being synonymous with sport and for contributing to it in ways we will never fully appreciate.

Does it piss you off that Geena Davis is President


  • At 3:13 PM, February 13, 2006, Anonymous James said…

    Gold Scott, GOLD!

  • At 4:22 PM, February 13, 2006, Blogger Woodsman said…

    I like it.

    I only wish that Ms Sarandon (cf. Lori Petty) was in A League of Their Own whipping Geena and her Rockford Peaches in the championship game.

    PS my name's Mae, and that's more than a name, that's an attitude.

    PPS Who knew David Strathairn was in that movie - give that man an Oscar now!

  • At 9:19 AM, February 14, 2006, Blogger Anna said…

    I have to admit I shelved my daily visits to Scott2bc when the posts dried up following the end of Australian Idol, I'm looking forward to catching up on the 2006 entries.
    Welcome back Scott, your acerbic wit has been sorely missed!!

  • At 1:56 PM, February 14, 2006, Blogger said…

    Thank the heavens you're still alive, I was worried.

    You have not lost any of your golden streak either, so, once more the heavens must be thanked.

  • At 6:16 AM, October 09, 2011, Anonymous muebles madrid said…

    Thanks so much for your article, very helpful info.


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