Scott, To Be Certain


Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Blog, Interrupted

Hello to all and sundry (especially the latter).

Firstly, apologies for my electronic impersonation of Helen Keller in the past couple of weeks. An unfortunate recent spate of virtually innumerable consecutive months providing labour to increase the already disgustingly vast wealth of someone else at work culminated in the need to "take annual leave".

So I left. And then returned (sadly).

In between those two events was a period of time in Cambodia, which is a confronting and exhilirating place at the same time. The city of Phnom Penh in particular provides what is best described as a sensory assault: noise, dirt, heat, pollution and aggressively enterprising Cambodians selling goods and services (in every sense of the word "service") make for a challenging environment (especially if attempting to pass oneself off as Cambodian, I realise that now). But this is obviously offset by its cultural riches.

A typical Cambodian family

In my absence, of course, interesting "goings-on" appear to have "gone on".

  1. The wondrous Chris Bath was robbed by Kate Economou Rebekah Elmaloglou Ada Nicodemou Home & Away in the final of Dancing With The Stars III: Revenge of the Shithouse Host Still Inexplicably Marketable. I mean, Ada is lovely and all, and was quite fetching in The Matrix in that demanding scene where she had to expose a tattoo of a rabbit on her shoulder, but I obviously don't need to point out that Chris Bath is far more deserving of the title and is, to boot, the most charismatic reader of a teleprompter newsreader alive.

    "We all feel so empty and drained," said a relative after the loss

  2. Daniel Spillane was thankfully sent packing from Idol. He had absolutely no business being in the Top 5 (occupying Saint Anne Robertson's spot) or even the Top 12 for that matter, though he is no doubt a splendid fellow. (Even if one unnamed reader of this site claims he looks "capable of something sinister, like fingering his niece".)

  3. Extremely obese Dan England was voted off Idol in an extraordinarily close vote. I am resoundingly unmoved by that result, because Dan has no charisma, no stage presence, looks like a cross between Abraham Lincoln and Mutley the Dog, is a really average singer and, most relevantly of all, is twice the size of Casey Donovan (but nowhere near as phat*). Amusingly, Peter Beattie, Premier of Queensland, is demanding Dan be reinstated on the basis of daylight savings. This is exciting because it means that politicians sometimes actually consider relevant social issues but it is otherwise disappointing, because that slimmed down and newly perky-boobed non-smoking former blond, Sara Marie, never received any government support following her even more clearly unjust ouster from Big Brother 1.

  4. The Final 3 Idol contestants in order of merit are Emily Whitneyams, Kate de Rouge and

    Lee Try-Harding.

    So the finalists comprise a blubbering New Zealander with a phantom child, an anorexic John Farnham impersonator and an adulterer who is the worst male vocalist since Millsy. How I yearn for Guy, Shannon and Cosima.

    Emily having a whale of a time

Alrighty then. Back to earning someone else's living.

*S2BC is an unashamed enthusiastic supporter of Casey Donovan. Her rendition of "Beautiful" by India.Arie is the fourth best Idol performance of all time, though she should really reconsider impersonating a knitted tissue box cover on national television next time. Instead, wouldn't it just be money for jam for Channel Ten if they recruited her for this?


  • At 9:57 PM, November 09, 2005, Blogger said…

    thank the heavens above that you're back.

    you have been bitterly missed.

  • At 11:08 AM, November 10, 2005, Anonymous Bec said…

    Welcome back Scottie. We've missed you. Please don't leave us again during Idol. We were all very lost.

  • At 2:09 PM, November 10, 2005, Anonymous Manxzilla said…

    In fact, we depend upon you completely for your top-hole analysis as Idol '05 has now entered the realm of 'unwatchable'.

  • At 12:22 PM, November 11, 2005, Anonymous James said…

    Its good to see that you have returned to the fold. Welcome back!

  • At 7:56 PM, November 14, 2005, Anonymous wiz said…

    Oy OiOI, that lee is soooo punk rock...he just said in all seriousnes, "I love Maccers something fierce."
    Smash the world lee, one bounce at a time.

  • At 3:39 PM, November 15, 2005, Anonymous Antman said…

    Punk Wiggle - Touchdown!

    Or perhaps "Punk Lite"

  • At 6:27 PM, November 18, 2005, Anonymous MT said…

    Great comeback Scotty! Found this blog very enlightening. I'm not so sure all members of your typical Cambodian family were native Cambodians though. I'm pretty sure the the kid was adopted from the US.


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