Scott, To Be Certain


Wednesday, October 12, 2005

The Return of Jenny Eyelash

For those of you not familiar with S2BC's uniquely obsessive anagram fetish, Jenny Eyelash is another way of referring to Canberra's finest bogan:

"Can you imagine if I wasn't wearing this cream undershirt!"

What we know about Hayley Jensen:

  1. She got married in a supermarket or something. When she was 14.
  2. She is really quite decent at pretending to be Sarah MacLachlan. (If Sarah McLachlan were a boring, bogan Canberran.)
  3. Mark Holden hated her and refused to put her through her initial audition. He changed his mind when she tried out again. ("Oops!" - Australia)
  4. She is a self-professed lover of Australian bands such as Missy Higgins.
  5. She hung around the Idol finals about 7 weeks too long.
  6. She can't be entirely repulsive because she loves Chanel Cole.
  7. She's probably quite lovely but that has strictly no relevance to anything.
  8. She is to release an album!

According to a press release on Hayley's hilarious website, "the album features original material written and co-written by Hayley and is expected to showcase her stunning vocals".

It's expected to, but it may not. As well they should, Hayley's publicists are hedging their bets.

The press release also implores us all to "check out" a riveting interview with Hayley in which she canvasses all manner of important topics, such as "her spare time". (No doubt there is a lot of it, etc.)

The first single is to be called "Lately". (Written during and about Hayley's spare time.)

It all sounds too ghastly for words. But it has to be better than the recent solo output of that woeful, bald microphone-swallower who also outstayed his welcome on last year's Idol.

Oh, speaking of Idol, we neglected to farewell Milly Edwards. See ya, darl'. Not entirely undeserved, but the systematic decimation of the female contingent is a tad worrying.

Also, someone needs to tell Kyle that it's not actually a compliment this year to say to any male competitor "you've got one of finest male voices in the competition".

OK then. Buh-bye.


  • At 2:14 PM, October 12, 2005, Blogger Fop said…

    Brilliant, again.

    It's sad that the role we had always earmarked for Jenny Eyelash (vocalist as part of some bland-but-quite-good western European trance-pop outfit) never came about. And do you LOVE the dreadful portraiture she's got on the front page of her official site? (It isn't very nice)

  • At 2:20 PM, October 12, 2005, Blogger Scott said…

    It's abominable, isn't it?

    The best bit is the summary of Hayley's performance before the "hyped crowd" at the "Hartley Lifecare Kite Festival".

    Apparently, she came on the stage "to a warm welcome of clapping"!

    Fuck, that is HYPED.

    Did she mosh, do you think?

  • At 2:24 PM, October 12, 2005, Blogger Fop said…

    Oh lordy, I hadn't seen that...


    Still, it probably has marginally more cred than the Hillsong "Youth Alive" thing Paulini horrifyingly played at recently...

  • At 2:26 PM, October 12, 2005, Blogger Scott said…

    Did Dan O'Connor sing back up?

  • At 2:31 PM, October 12, 2005, Blogger Fop said…

    That article is appallingly written, also:

    This ballad for all the romantic's out their, refers to the one great love in your life. While this song is a slower number, it's simple melody and chorus is one that grows on you.

    I also note that Hayley is very excited about her upcoming prostate cancer benefit gig, "Party With A Purpose: Prostate Cancer!"

  • At 4:43 PM, October 12, 2005, Blogger The Student said…

    I wouldnt worry about it, James and Daniel are next.

  • At 5:52 PM, October 12, 2005, Blogger Alyson with a Y said…

    Did you mean in any way mean it is horrible as...this...

    Oh NO...make it STOP!

  • At 10:10 PM, October 12, 2005, Anonymous Bec said…

    OH MY LORD! Wasn't this guy meant to be the rock god? Tragic, tragic, tragic collection of cliches masquerading as a song.

  • At 10:25 PM, October 12, 2005, Blogger said…

    Such a shame we all missed her forum chat yesterday at 8pm then... would that not have been the hoot of the week?!


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