Scott, To Be Certain


Monday, October 10, 2005

Let's Just Cut To The Chase (2)

It is so clear who the Top 3 are that not even that fucking Medownick clinic would be of any use.

Sadly, though, with such clarity comes the inevitable truth that this could never actually be our Final Three.

The potentially fascinating diva throwdowns that future weeks promise may never eventuate, based on past Idol experiences.

S2BC has identified some painful parallels with American Idol 3 in particular.

One of these six is not like the others. See Marcia Hines for details.

But what I'm actually talkin' 'bout is VOTE SPLITTING. That's right. Teeny boppers and Natalie Imbruglia enthusiasts alike will be torn between voting for Lee's hair, Dan's hair or a Diva, but probably not all three Divas. And so it will be that one of the divas will get unceremoniously turfed early, Jennifer Hudson-style.

"Bitch, please. Girlfriend's doin' FAAAAAHN wit her huge-ass coffee empire. N shit."

I think Anne will be the Jennifer of this trio, followed by Kate in the Latoya spot. Emily may still end up our winner in the Fantasia vein (i.e. in a "check out my rotund, mean-ass, thug of a boyfriend, and my gorgeous daughter, isn't she sweet, I'm like 4 years older than her!" kind of way) but not before a few scares. Let's hope, at the very least, that no comparisons ever need to be drawn between the following two people.

Other than that they're both crap, obviously.

But let's not precipitate future tragedies.

As far as last night goes, it was the best episode of the season.

8. James Kannis
7. Milly Edwards
6. Daniel Spillane
5. Dan England
4. Lee Harding
3. Kate De Rouge
2. Emily Williams
1. Anne Robertson

A season best performance from Anne was touchdown-worthy but obviously lacked the emotion necessary to connect with Mark Holden's android adult contemporary heart. Emily was excellent but not note-perfect. Still, the presence of her dawg clearly helped her produce a moving performance. (Is he the father)

In other news, James still needs to go immediately, Milly was woeful in her allegedly favourite genre, Daniel Spillane needs to have that shit ripped off his chin and Dan England is so boring he makes me want to perform corrective surgery on my eyes with a compass.

I can only hope we can stave off inevitable tragedy for one more week.


  • At 10:26 AM, October 10, 2005, Blogger The Student said…

    Milly is just so passionless it's unbarable, I just can't understand how she even got this far, when she is just a HUSK of a performer.

    Emily, Anne, and Kate were excellent last night. Dan obviously didn't like the song much, and Lee has worked out his adorable cute guy niche and he will keep hammering it hard.

    James, Milly and Daniel can go next week in a canter, and I'm finding Daniel increasingly wank, just like Anne. That whle 'it's great to be here' crap drives me insane.

  • At 12:04 PM, October 10, 2005, Anonymous wiz said…

    You are so right re: Milly='a husk of a performer'.
    I want lee to stop doing it. By it I mean anything. Please remove him from my TV screen. Much Thanx.

  • At 1:14 PM, October 10, 2005, Anonymous Bec said…

    I'm so over what little I was ever into Anne. I cannot stand one more "oh god I can't believe you're clapping for me, I'm just sooooooooo grateful to be here" expression that comes on cue after every performance.

    James - woeful - gotta go - what's with the dancing???

    Milly - more woeful - again, what's with the dancing?

    Lee - the kid has personality which is more than can be said for the other 7.

    Kate - actually has real talent but alas we know that talent is not what it takes to win this thing.

    Emily - with a boyfriend like that who'd be afraid NOT to vote?

  • At 6:02 PM, October 10, 2005, Blogger Woodsman said…

    Why dont I love Kate? I mean i like her, but i cant stop thinking of her close relationship with Vienetta Fields when she sings. Perhaps, like Vienetta, Kate is actually ice-confectionary not ice-cream (yes ladies and gentleman check the ice-cream aisle at your local safeway cos this boy aint lying) - looks the part, sounds the part, but when you analyse the ingredients it is full of saw dust and you have only been comparing it to frozen yoghurt.

    Daniel just needs a cuddle really.

    Anne was admirable - but really, eyedieyedieyedi dont really wanna ever see her on tv after the final.

    Emily - that wasnt even a 30yard gain yet alone a TD.

    Milly, James and Lee - the tribe has spoken.

  • At 6:36 PM, October 10, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Wasn't Diana DeGarmo in the top 2 of American Idol 3? Couldn't Kate be the Diana equivalent (and therefore never heard of again once the show finishes)?

  • At 2:25 PM, October 11, 2005, Anonymous James said…


    Can Australia really handle having someone like Emily winning the idol? Think about it. With rare exception, every person who has won Australian reality TV programs have been variations on the same theme. Corn fed, middle class, white as fuck Aussie blokes. Its all been about, bug balls, Bradman and poof jokes, mixed in with a little self serving ANZAC spirit. Look at Big Brother for the best example. With the exception of the non threateningly stupid Reggie, all the winners have been basically the same person. Tommo, Roggo, Spiffo, or whoever they were called. Can a single mom with a boyfriend who screams ‘I just carjacked your Grandma, cracker!’ make the cut? I just don’t think it’s going to happen. Despite the fact that she is the most talented person there.

    You may point to Fantasia in the US idol, but the situation in the States is really different. America has a much longer tradition of letting the occasional extremely talented person from underclass achieve fame and wealth. Just look at hip hop. Every now and then some lucky person is literally dragged out of the call center and given wealth, fame and power. This allows the people who work in call centers, our modern day cotton pickers, to aspire to be something different than they actually are: slaves. Its good for the system and for the economy. If people believe that they can actually ‘make it if they just work harder’ then they have less to complain about, don’t they? I’m sure that some of the people who were ‘left out to dry’ by the US government after hurricane Katrina will be paying off text messages on dime a week payment plans for votes for Fantasia until 2016.

    Emily’s only real hope would be if somehow, magically, Australia was able to produce a group of poor, disenfranchised wage slaves who would feel an affiliation with her over night. Combine that power base with a smattering bleeding heart late sippers (who unlike Kyle, have an appreciation of music before Sporty Spice) and you have a real fighting chance. For too long, this country has been ruled by a dark mysterious band of social welfare overlords, who think nothing of giving out dole payments to the most undeserving of citizens. Poor people, the ill and disabled are being propped over the poverty line all over the country. And if you need any further proof, just watch Today Tonight.

    But hope is at hand Emily. If Johnny gets his IR reforms through that underclass of disaffected slaves will spring up in Australia almost overnight. Praise the lord!!! People will be rushing to cash converters all over the country to sell their children to pay for 1800 calls just for you!

    Emily. Marcia aint gonna save you babe. You should be backing little Jonny all the way to the bank. And if that fails, you might as well sing ‘Fight the Power’ by Public Enemy or maybe the lesser known but equally emotive, ‘White Cave Bitch’ by Ice Cube. And when Kyle opens his mouth to say something even more ridiculously stupid then he already has why not throw over a pipe bomb while screaming in Arabic for good measure. ‘Shove that up your clacker, cracker!’

  • At 2:40 PM, October 11, 2005, Blogger Scott said…

    James, please don't mention IR reforms ever again on this site. It's hard enough escaping my day job as it is!

    Now, James, just CALM THE FUCK DOWN. What a post! You really should get your own blog, sunshine, there's some good stuff in there.

    But ultimately, with the exception of Shannon Noll (who lost), Australian Idol has never shown those usual tendencies in its final result. So I'm not giving up hope yet.

    In the US, Americans love "the dream". Kelly Clarkson waited tables, Reuben Studdard was fat, Fantasia had her legs akimbo at 12, and Carrie Underwood - well, she liked country music. All excellent candidates for sympathy and support from the American public while chasing their dream.

    Only in America though, I'm with you there.

  • At 2:53 PM, October 11, 2005, Anonymous James said…

    Point taken Scott. Ive slipped myseif a rowie and i feel a lot calmer about the world now.

    Maybe the idol is different. But if Dan, that human vibrator (watch his mic next time he sings) ends up winning i will be smugly satisfied and devastated in equal parts.

    great blog mate..

  • At 11:43 AM, October 12, 2005, Anonymous Manxzilla said…

    God damn you, S2BC, stop putting in those billable hours and share your Idol vision with the wage slaves. There's a bad moon (eighties theme) on the rise.


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