Scott, To Be Certain


Tuesday, October 03, 2006


When the CSIRO launched its very popular diet last year, it copped some serious criticism for being totally fucking unreasonable with respect to alcohol intake too obviously reliant on meat, given one of its principal research sponsors just happened to be the Australian Meat Industry.

The flak didn't matter. The diet is now well established as Australia's most widely followed and the Meat Industry is understandably quite pleased with its subliminal PR effort.

In fact, such fans of the clandestine marketing project are the Meat Industry that they have now entered a new sponsorship arrangement, without ANY PUBLICITY AT ALL, to purvey their wares to us en masse.

The medium? Australian Idol!

Clearly I don't need to labour this point.

Let's have a look.

Meat: Mutton, chopped

The self-styled lyricist was finally axed last night, though it was a close shave in every possible way with both Baby-Girlfriends also on the chopping block. A just outcome.

Meat: Pork, various cuts

Courtney oinked his way through approximately 10 more rounds than was his proper entitlement in Australian Idol 2. Now his older brother Chris is hogging the limelight too and, for some reason, has the full support of image-obsessed Shane Warne-lookalike Kyle Sandilands. Damn those skilled meat industry marketeers!

Meat type: Breasts

Dressed very impractically in jeans and a blazer for a song and dance routine with a group of uglies, Marcia Hines began by humming an ode to all her sister-girlfriends ("Mm-hmm...Mm-hmm...") before virtually putting her fine fillets on full display. Earlier, Marcia declared there was no need to disinfect her shoulders after Kyle attempted a faux gyration in that general area. Marcia must only reserve that hygienic measure for contact with nemesis Chanel Cole, peerless musical genius from series 2 who now appears to have joined the Murphy family and eaten all of her feelings.

And finally:

Relationship to meat: Pro-teen

There's far too much to cover by way of sausage varieties so I'm afraid that's as far as I'm able to take the theme for today.

Separately, I thought it was hilarious how Bobby Flynn oh-so-nearly acknowledged his own by now well-documented resemblance to Eric Stoltz in Mask by referring to his mother's comment that he'd been "hiding behind a mask" of eye make-up. For completeness, let's again have a look at that resemblance:

And just for the hell of it, who knew Judith Light was an Appleton twin?

May our next communal meal be pork fillets.

Alrighty then - buh-bye.


  • At 1:30 PM, October 03, 2006, Blogger said…

    Marcia's dancing was OH SO SPECIAL, wasn't it?

    I would like to see her perform every Monday night on Idol now.

    Maybe even invite Deni along for a bit of a "Stomp!"

  • At 1:52 PM, October 03, 2006, Blogger Fi said…

    I cannot understand S2BC's love for Lavina! Even her boyfriend was caught on camera wincing during her performance on Sunday night. Her only hope for redemption is if she reenacts Tina Turner as Queen of Thunderdome (in the full regalia, including hair-do) and sings "We Don't Need Another Hero"!

    My pick is Jessica, so long as she can survive Chris Murphy's midnight hunger pangs in the house! Every time I see him I feel like vomiting, maybe his performances should be sponsored by the Butterfly Foundation!!

  • At 2:07 PM, October 03, 2006, Blogger Magician said…

    ROFLMAO at the resemblance that Bobby has to Eric Stoltz. Where you find these pics is magic Scott pure magic. I've also noted the eerie similarity (looks wise) that Bobby has with Mark Holden or perhaps I'm the only one who has noted this?????????

  • At 4:25 PM, October 03, 2006, Anonymous princess kylie minogue said…

    please excuse me marcia music is warm,brillant produced,great sound,great singing by MISS HINES she will be nomitteed for ablum of the year aria awart catergory and she derseved it very underrated and look's brillant dressed up feminine. this is one of my favorite website scott to be curtain the best (good) idol update

  • At 5:16 PM, October 03, 2006, Blogger Scott said…

    It's not curtains yet, Princess Kylie Minogue!

    But thank you for placing me among the best of the "good" idol updates. I hope one day to be promoted - please provide your regular feedback as to how I'm faring.

    Do you think Marcia was looking particularly feminine in her awkward cream blazer and harry-high-pant denims?

  • At 6:11 PM, October 03, 2006, Blogger Woodsman said…

    Princess kylie minogue you are da bmob!

    and IAR shall we make a trip to the Yarra Valley to see Marcia (with special guest Deni...i love it when my mum gets me gigs) at a Day on the Green...

  • At 9:42 AM, October 04, 2006, Blogger said…

    Woodsman that sounds like a plan, most definitely. She can sign my cd and, if she's free, my mother, who after Monday's performance now thinks Marcia is an absolute champion.

  • At 12:48 PM, October 04, 2006, Blogger weasel said…

    Methinks princess kylie could be our favourite sign maker... was klanie your fvarorittte princess?

  • At 2:28 PM, October 04, 2006, Anonymous princess kylie minogue said…

    klancie the shitbottom forget her that overloaded courgette it all about our adopted tslent MARCIA HINES to win AUSRALISAN IDOL 2006 my friends miss marcia and im always rigt and scott to be curtan on holidays with me and the blkakeny twins in exquisite peradise klanice you not coming you countryside waterwheel you

  • At 12:55 AM, October 05, 2006, Blogger weasel said…

    Do we think princess kylie is the same princess kylie as before? This one seems a bit too clever methinks... or was she a pisstake all along?

  • At 11:26 AM, October 05, 2006, Blogger Scott said…

    W - I think there's every chance she Weaseled her way in on under false pretences, but it's still an exquisitely mounted façade.

    PKM is welcome - nay, more than welcome - any time.

  • At 12:11 PM, October 05, 2006, Blogger weasel said…

    She did what she had to do and we thank her for it.

    My question, though, was whether it is all the same person... I think the first one might have been a genuine tard, but someone else has now taken the reins in super ironic style...

  • At 1:02 PM, October 05, 2006, Blogger said…

    Either way, I'm actually not bothered. As I said, she needs to start her own blog.

    Legendary status must be granted alone for creating the title "Scott To Be Curtain", surely?

  • At 1:29 PM, October 05, 2006, Blogger Scott said…

    Scott To Be Curtains will be my final post, when that time comes.

    Or my new design career.


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