Looking-For-Amyl Brandy

It is both fair and measured to declare that there is absolutely without exception nothing better than a whacked-out black female judge on a talent show.

There is significant and obvious supporting evidence for this claim in the form of Marcia Hines, who virtually fists herself each week on Australian Idol at the thought of banging any performer with a penis and who may well one day for a number of different reasons end up with severe arthritis of the neck.


In happier times

However, none of Marcia's asinine output over 4 years of Idol has come close to matching the amyl nitrate-assisted out-of-body experience recently exhibited by judge Brandy on the US show America's Got Talent.

During a kick-arse performance by 11 year old Bianca Ryan singing "And I'm Telling You (I'm Not Going)", the show-stopping number from Broadway musical "Dreamgirls" (and shortly to be performed by American Idol alumnus Jennifer Hudson in the Beyoncé-starring screen version), Brandy is so visibly moved by the rousing rendition that she:

1. calls the 11 year old "Mama";
2. moments into the performance flings her arms forward in the universally recognised gesture synonomous, one assumes, with "uh uh no she ain't";
3. gives a standing ovation mid-performance; and
4. in a flash of brilliance, raises her arm above her head Anna Nicole Smith style, as if to mark her "peak".

Witnesseth:



Young Bianca is separately quite amazing to watch and listen to in that clip. What pipes.

And as if the show weren't already sufficiently sublime, may I add that David Hasselhoff is also a judge on this show.

All it lacks, by the sounds, is room in one episode for Brandy to bitch-slap guest judge Monica into a coma.


In happier times