Scott, To Be Certain


Monday, September 11, 2006

AI4: Right On, Target

For all its well-documented resurgence in popularity, the rebirth that Series 4 of Australian Idol represents also appears inadvertently to encompass a tribute to Idols Past.

During last night's show alone Marcia's husky delivery was a throwback to nodules-era Idol, while Sideshow Bobby Flynn's autistic re-hashing of "When The War Is Over" earned Cosima a second tip of the hat.

Lavina "Vaginal" Williams and Chris "Look, My Wife Is In The Kitchen While I Sing" Murphy provide reminders of their older, better siblings from series 3 and 2 respectively, while Andrew G - whose two surfie necklaces look promisingly tighter with each week that passes - and James Mathison reliably point out, as in each series, how little talent is required to host a top rating show.

"I thought I'd already made that relatively clear."


Of course, it's "all about the music". And the competiton has begun "in earnest".

The Bottom 3:

12. Joseph Gahetau

After going at it like a hammerin' Tongan in the early rounds with some fine R&B, Joseph seems to have left the Gahetau behind him in favour of bland ballads. When he got up towards the end leaving a stool behind him, he inadvertently and symbolically summarised the reaction his performance inspired. The worst by a mile.

11. Klancie Keough

Klancie of the Overflowing tearducts is now the stuff of legend after hilariously blubbering, "Ohh me! Did you say me?!" on being selected for the Top 24. Equipped with a special tongue-tickling skill "taught" to her by the backstage crew to keep her tears in check (so that's how she got the Wild Card...), Klancie's biggest risk is now being responsible for shattering millions of wineglasses at viewers' dinner tables. Horrendous.

10. Lisa Mitchell

The Best Thing To Ever Come Out Of This Country Musically declared the city "not for her" - apparently there's, like, "not enough grass" there. To counter this, Lisa obviously brought an ample stash of her own from home judging by how tranquillised her performance was. Singing with all the passion of a belch, it was like watching a high school poetry recital as opposed to a song contest. When Mark Holden, a massive supporter of The Best Thing To Ever Come Out Of This Country Musically, sought a response to the performance from the audience at home, Marcia eruditely responded, "They can't answer you, Mark." Who knew a brilliant mind lurked under those wigs?

And the rest:

9. Chris Murphy

Chris's voice has the raspy flavour of vintage Bryan Adams but his look is vintage Barry Gibb - crossed with a walrus. Enough said.

8. Guy Mutton

The father of the self-styled "Mutto" disturbingly announced that Mutto used to repeatedly bang his head into a pillow to fall asleep as a child. One wonders how often and with whom Mutto might continue this perverted ritual as an adult. Confident but boring.

7. Reagan Dairy

"Reagan Dairy" is the sort of term that might have been coined had Monica Lewinsky been born a couple of presidential terms earlier. It might also be the name of Reagan's own special brand of spilt milk after a song choice mis-step last night. Great vocals and fantastic hair is usually a formidable combination, but the obscurity of the excellent but lesser-known george song may spell trouble with voters.

6. Jessica Mauboy

A really good performance, even if baby-girlfriend shops at Target. Because she's among esteemed company, as Marcia announced that some of her best friends shop there. Wouldn't go near it herself, obviously.

Likely Target shopper

5. Ricky Muscat

One of the strongest male performers was solid again, although I question Ricky's ability to deliver "light" and "shade" or whatever other forms of solar manipulation Mark Holden is always blithering on about. In his pre-performance interview segment, Ricky described the risks of football thus: "You can get smashed anytime." By this reckoning Marcia no doubt enjoys the odd game of footy, particularly given her wacky performance last night. Notably peculiar was her declaration to Ricky that he must "show his heart" to do well in this competition, which would clearly be nothing but a blatant attempt to ride the ratings coattails of the success of the recent SBS series "Anatomy For Beginners" and which, frankly, sounds a little unnecessarily life-threatening for family television.

4. Damien Leith

I was too perturbed by Damien's shirt to properly enjoy this performance but I'm pretty sure it was on the money. However, I think Damo is dangerously close to indulging Mariah-style in falsetto overkill. One to watch.

3. Bobby Flynn

A decent, unique performance, but it was no Cosima De Vito.

2. Dean Geyer

With a black belt in karate, film star good looks and a heart full of Jesus, Dean just needs to keep turning up to win this competition.

1. Lavina Williams

Boyfriend Sister-girlfriend looked and sounded like a pro last night. Easily the best performance of the night, though may soon need to dodge rumours that she was kicked out of the stage version of the Lion King for plying fellow cast members with hash cookies.

And Lisa thinks there's no grass in the city.

Back to the hood or the herd? Stay tuned to see if it's Joseph or Klancie who gets turfed.


  • At 5:29 PM, September 11, 2006, Blogger said…

    Hopefully Klancie gets the boot, but I'm really not fussed so long as it's not Lavina, Dean, Reigan or Ricky.

    And I actually find myself liking Lavina a LOT more than I liked Emily last year (and I didn't - and still don't - mind Emily). I don't feel like throwing a hot iron at Lavina's head, so that is definitely promising.

  • At 5:29 PM, September 11, 2006, Blogger Woodsman said…

    I'd just like to say, "it's all about the art"...and I'm not an overly "confronting person" either Lisa/Missy/Mogadon.

    Oh and while I'm at it, may I be the first to say I would love to punch Dean Geyer square in the face, preferably with something much harder than my fist - or maybe i could get Lavinia "once we're warriors" Williams/Nixon to do it for me.

    Vote 1 Reigan/Keira - great boobs.


Post a Comment

<< Home