Something Kinda Goo

Indisputably, the best band on the planet is this one.


Girls Aloud: Evidently beyond puberty

The girls are brilliant for a number of reasons.

1. They were created by reality television.
2. They are responsible for at least 7 of the most sublime pop masterpieces of the last decade.
3. Nadine (far left) has an endearing Northern Irish accent which requires subtitles.
4. Cheryl (front centre) is married to a footballer and likes to "punch on" quite a bit.
5. Nicola (second from left) is naturally a red head, but is quite fond of the odd cut 'n' colour.
6. All 5 girls would be huge were it not for their inhibitions and rambunctious behaviour in photo shoots.

Of all the exhaustive lists ever created, that one isn't an example.

But it might be getting closer if I were to add that the girls are proud owners of some of the most lyrically innovative work on the charts.

Let's have a look at a mere snippet of their finest moments.

"Shoulda known, shoulda cared/Shoulda hung around the kitchen in my underwear/Acting like a lady" (The Show)
"Shut your mouth or your shit might show" (No Good Advice)
"Spiked heels and skin-tight jeans/I've got a fist full of love coming your way, baby" (Graffiti My Soul)
"I need a walking talking mannequin that simply folds away/And never questions anything" (Graffiti My Soul)
"Your kisses taste of cyanide, and that's no good for me/An open heart is suicide in my philosophy" (Graffiti My Soul)

In addition to being skilled philosophers, the girls are also well versed in social sciences:



And actual sciences:



Clearly the girls are intelligent, independent glamazons as well as utter nymphomaniacs.

Which is why their latest lyrical choice is all the more perplexing.

In the latest addition to their artistic opus - the release this month of a new single,"Something Kinda Oooh", from their upcoming greatest hits album - the girls appear to be going all unsatisfactorily cute on our arses.

Something kinda ooh/Jumpin' on my tutu/Something inside of me/Wants a part of you

Apart from being non-sensical, this is inconsistent with the girls' penchant for being dirty dominatrices.

I suggest the following "textual interpretation".

Something kinda ooh/Jumpin' on my tutu/Something inside of me/Once a part of you

That's better. Instead of insensibly stomping on party costumes and dreaming wistfully of a man, it is much more like the girls to be singing about the pools of semen swirling about their respective fallopian tubes.

Hurrah! All is well in the world.