Scott, To Be Certain

DISCOURSE, DIGRESSION AND DIATRIBE FOR YOUR DAILY DIGESTION

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Shits Aloud

S2BC is thinking of shutting up shop and heading over to this place:



The UK is a place where people like this can be lauded on TV and deservedly get recording contracts:



Instead, we live in a country where beings like this get compliments for their musical output:



Truly unfathomable.

But alas we are not here to promote cholesterol-loaded upbringings. Let us instead get on with the rankings.

The Bottom 3:

9.Ricky Muscat


We were all invited to witness the land down under Ricky's belt courtesy of a candid naked baby shot which ended all speculation about Ricky's latent Judaism. Also under the microscope was Ricky's limited vocal range and a complete lack of informed song choice for the second week in a row. Woeful.

8.Chris Murphy


Like watching swine on red cordial, only less tuneful. Horrendous.

7.Mutto


Unfortunately not the worst. :-(

Not altogether impressive either:

6.Lisa Mitchell


5.Jessica Mauboy


With that voice Jessica needs to be drinking Brandy, not imitating her. Actually, that's a really disgusting image, I'm sorry.

4.Damien Leith


Damien's father:We were hoping for a boy or a girl but we got Damien.

Here we all were focusing on Lavina's potentially packed out underwear when it's actually Tintin Damien who's the worry. So was this performance but on a crap night he still places highly.

Fairly decent:

3.Bobby Flynn


Nice theatrics, but really needs a set of maracas for that epileptic left arm. I appreciate the innovation Bobby brings, or attempts to bring, to this show. His performances are also an excellent insight into what Daniel Day-Lewis' character in My Left Foot might have been capable of if he'd gained control of his other three limbs and mounted a stage musical.

2.Dean Geyer


Kyle: That was a sexy song. But you haven't had sex, you're a God-loving virgin boy.

Dean's, and Kyle's, best performance, although it's perhaps surprising that he chose "You Give Love A Bad Name" instead of "Livin' On A Prayer".

Stratospheres ahead:

1."Avril" Lavina Williams


This was potentially one of the most hilarious 5 minutes in the history of Idol, for approximately 5 reasons.

A. Because Lavina apparently used to be white, according to her baby photo.
B. Because the Williams family apparently aren't fond of cameras - the editors of the pre-performance segment were forced to cut back to the same baby photo a total of 5 times.
C. Because we were being asked to imagine that Lavina was a contestant on this show, rather than a visiting, already established world-beating musical icon. Breathtakingly good on every level.
D. Because English apparently no longer contains sufficient adjectival breadth for Marcia Hines, who declared Lavina "more than welcome" after a performance that was "beyond beautiful". Girlfriend is proving to be quite the linguistic trailblazer.
E. Because Lavina donned yet another girdle! Is this a new trend she's starting? (Of corset is.)

It's a tough call but it looks like it's the Muscat's turn to be corked - tune in tomorrow to find out.

9 Comments:

  • At 9:08 AM, October 02, 2006, Anonymous princess kylie minogue said…

    go guys all the best to who ever wins you all have tslent

    we enjoy you pity about the judges one bloated hasbeen one filthy loudmouth AND ONE CLASS ACT YOU GO GIRL SHE KNOWS HER MUSIC ESSSPCEICLAY DISCO MUSIC WHICH IS THE STYLE OF HER LATTEST ALBUM

     
  • At 12:37 AM, October 03, 2006, Blogger weasel said…

    I've been wanting to post to tell you that I LOVE YOU, but I can't possibly top princess kylie minogue's post. It's just essspceiclay good!

     
  • At 10:19 AM, October 03, 2006, Blogger Magician said…

    LOL weasel, couldn't have said it better myself............or could I????????

     
  • At 12:32 PM, October 03, 2006, Blogger im-always-right.com said…

    Princess Kylie Minogue, you took the words right out of my mouth.......

     
  • At 2:33 PM, October 03, 2006, Blogger weasel said…

    I think she took the words out of all of our mouths, all at once...

     
  • At 4:15 PM, October 03, 2006, Anonymous princess kylie minogue said…

    im alwys rigt you are now in my friends beautifl picture of the blakney twins talented peformres from australia. as good as australis princess miss kylie minogue. unlike the horrid and obeese sandilands miss minogue writes and prodcue her own music. get out kyle, come in kylie and the blakeny twins

     
  • At 4:44 PM, October 03, 2006, Blogger im-always-right.com said…

    Princess Kylie Minogue: do you have your own blog? If you don't, I think you should.

    The Blakeney Twins are wondrous, aren't they? Someone should cover "All Mixed Up". Maybe Lavina could on Aussie Night??

     
  • At 2:50 PM, October 04, 2006, Anonymous princess kylie minogue said…

    lavinea she is ubsolutly fantsctic a real star and my friend im alwys rigt you are rigt again because blkaneney twins duet is perfect for lovley lavinea. lavine is invited to my house parrty with my dear friends in best city paris also berlin amsterdam edinburgh port moresby

     
  • At 5:47 PM, October 04, 2006, Blogger Hules said…

    I am in love with you.

    Casey Doughnutvan gets everything she deserves.

    I was blogging on her a while back and could never be quite as visvious as I felt was needed.

     

Post a Comment

<< Home