Scott, To Be Certain


Thursday, November 23, 2006

Judging A Band By Its Covers

It has already been irrefutably established that Girls Aloud are the best band in the known universe.

However, it has not yet been sufficiently acknowledged the extent to which they are the worst album cover designers EVER.

Consider it henceforth acknowledged by virtue of Exhibit A: The Greatest Hits Cover.

Yes: the girls themselves are responsible for this fucked up piece of work.

It is inconceivable that in devising and approving it they:

1. concluded their back catalogue is most suitably represented by a tambourine
2. would let the 5th, furthest-to-the-right silhouette remain unspotlit (although to be fair, she is clearly mid-way through a dump).

My keen art connoisseur's eye tells me there is also some severe lack of proportion going on.

But enough of that - let's now turn to Exhibit B: the Latest Single.

Now isn't that better?

Yes - it's the Tiffany single, re-done with lots of dancy blips and such! i.e., Also A Cover!

Obviously there is something kinda wrong with the picture and it's the fact that Cheryl (centre) is wearing a tutu but not jumping on it.

This, however, is the only qualm I have - the picture is otherwise UNBELIEVABLY GOOD.

It is hoped that with this cover they announce their retirement from Creative Control.

The girls should, in fact, fully realise that they are employed to do two things only.

1. Sing prettily over subversive dance-pop beats.
2. Rank in FHM lists.

They should NEVER be aloud to design anything ever again.

Except maybe some haphazard little drawings on a glasstop coffee table, using a credit card perhaps. That might be nice.


  • At 11:23 AM, November 24, 2006, Blogger Woodsman said…

    Speaking of drawing pretty pictures on glass coffee tables - Don Lane...

    But in other news will S2BC be in attendance at the World Aids Day Fundraiser next Friday evening (1/12/06) at the dump known as the Market???

    Surely a chance to see Laura Gissara perform (oh yes kids she is now doing it for the gays), James Kannis' new Da Vinci porcelein veneers and the Slinky Minx release a new cover will have u wetter than Andie MacDowell knocking on a front door...

  • At 12:37 PM, November 24, 2006, Blogger said…

    ...or Emilio Estevez - out in the rain - knocking on Andie McDowell's door in St. Elmo's fire...

    Scott, apparently the girls say "Toot Toot" and not "Tutu", which I think is fucking bullshit. Even if that is the case, like fuck I'm singing "toot toot" when quite clearly the amount of genius that lies behind it being "Tutu" is endless.

  • At 2:38 PM, November 24, 2006, Blogger Scott said…

    That is ridiculous. I do not accept "jumping on my toot toot". I'll pretend I didn't read that.

    I may very well have to go to the Marché to see James Kannis's new teeth!

  • At 4:53 PM, November 24, 2006, Blogger Woodsman said…

    there is also a rumour that Ben Eaton might make a very dry appearance as well.

  • At 1:09 PM, December 12, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    James Kannis' teeth are not veneers you dope, he got braces (fitted behind the teeth) 1 month after his departure from Idol, if you did your research instead of just shooting your mouth off you would know this. Anyway gissssssara sucked, as did most of the other acts, some were pretty good and James was GREAT, good on all of them for supporting such a important cause.

  • At 5:10 PM, December 17, 2006, Blogger Scott said…

    Not as important as grammatical accuracy.


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