Scott, To Be Certain


Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Dream Girl

With the upcoming release of Hollywood's latest attempt at a mercifully Zellwegerless musical, Dreamgirls, I consider it high time for a tribute to its star.

And I don't mean the Crocodile Huntress.


The original stage musical is loosely based on the story of Diana Ross and the Supremes. Bidet-loving Beyoncé plays the Ross-like lead, but indisputably the film's best role is to be played by none other than Jennifer Hudson (to the right, to the right, in the photo below).

Yes! She of American Idol 3, who was sensationally ousted after delivering the 2nd best American Idol performance in history (Barry Manilow's "Weekend In New England").

Ms Hudson is interchangeably brilliant, amazing and sensational for several important reasons.

Evidence of Brilliance 1:

She beat out Fantasia Barrino for the Dreamgirls role!

Fantasia, who went on to win that series of Idol in J-Hud's absence (and who is responsible for the finest American Idol performance ever, "Summertime"), was the loser on this occasion. As a result, she decided to make a TV movie about her life - and, of course, STAR IN IT AS WELL. As you do.

I'm told the production contains a scene in the back of a truck - where her spawn was conceived! WHO DOES THIS. (The film, not the truck - I'm fine with the truck.)

Evidence of Brilliance 2:

She looks a bit like a dog! Which, as we know, is timely.

Evidence of Brilliance 3:

J-Hud's greatest asset, perhaps, is her cousin.

Now the stuff of internet legend, J-Hud's cousin shot to fame after appearing onscreen during one of J-Hud's Idol performances looking completely fucking nonplussed by the whole affair.

Bitch, please

Isn't that grand? The internet have named the cousin "Whatevia Santiago", in a nod to what appears to be the general sentiment conveyed by her body language in that screenshot.

She is now almost as famous as J-Hud, sitting in for Oprah:

And Lamb Chop:

Has there been a more talented family?

"Probably not"

So as you can see, the premiere of this film is to be celebrated. Stay tuned.


  • At 4:09 PM, November 06, 2006, Blogger said…

    Good lord, Beyonce looks white in that photo...

  • At 7:10 PM, November 07, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Scott, your site comes up 6th in google search for "whatevia santiago"! famous!

  • At 7:33 PM, November 08, 2006, Blogger DJKL said…

    oh my god (OMG) that whateveia is GENIUS... and I also just went and did a quick google search to find more, and she seems to have disappeared from most sites. However, it did lead me to the O RLY owls, which I had never come cross before. Good old teh internet, making geeks' private jokes into worldwide phenomena. I love it. Now it seems that on this site you can find a new hero along with Whatevia, named "Skankin' Sam":


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