Scott, To Be Certain

DISCOURSE, DIGRESSION AND DIATRIBE FOR YOUR DAILY DIGESTION

Monday, October 23, 2006

Out(r)age

The following people have on different occasions publicly pleaded that electricity be manipulated in their favour.



In the early 90s, clumsy Belinda Carlisle asked us all to leave a light on for her, thinking this would help her navigate around her giant mansion. She should've tried opening her eyes, but what can you expect from a chick who fucks horses.

Meanwhile, Nelly Furtado, prior to admonishing cannabilistic females and shortly after banging on about her resemblance to a parrot, shoved it right back in Belinda's face by asking bitch to turn off said light. About a decade later, mind.

No matter. The Powers That Be are loving Nelly at the moment, seemingly.

Because the Powers fucking chose Not To Be at about 7.30pm last night, at the precise moment my VCR was scheduled to tape Idol.


"Are you fucking kidding me, where are my acorns etc."

How can you think of food at at time like this? Did Chris' performance inspire those thoughts? I can't even tell, seeing as I resultantly missed the show.

So in the absence of anything to recap, I must content myself with pictorial commentary, courtesy of the Australian Idol website.



That McDonald's sponsorship is obviously thriving. I've really been far too harsh on Chris, haven't I?



Here's Ricky, demonstrating why he has taken over from Marty Worrall as the new Most Annoying Holder Of A Microphone Ever.



Look, it's Lisa producing sitting on a stool. Next.



Impersonating Heather Mills was a topical choice, if a little obscure.



Yes, we know where He is. Jesus.



Look, it's Helen Keller!



She looks fantastic! Was she any good? I fucking hope so.



I really hope he finishes in 3rd place.



A power outage, an earthquake and a change to Andrew G's hairstyle all in one night?

Looks like I missed a good "ep".

To make matters worse, I hear Ricky was actually good.

I shudder to imagine tonight's result...

5 Comments:

  • At 5:19 PM, October 23, 2006, Anonymous Bec said…

    - Ricky was woeful. No doubt a bunch of 13 year old girls will disagree with me.

    - Jessica sounded a little breathless but looked stunning. Karl disagreed. Has he looked in a mirror lately?

    - Damien was brilliant. Gets points just for attempting Radiohead, let alone pulling it off. Really, really hope he doesn't win just so he can put out a decent album.

    - Chris makes Courtney look like Thom York.

    - Lisa. Think I went into a trance at this point.

    - Dean was Dean. Complete package. Still outright favourite IMO.

     
  • At 5:29 PM, October 23, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    ricky was a pile of festy muskrat crap. Or maybe good compared to a pile of festy muskrat crap that scats.

    Jess was ok, but the arrangement wasn't so good, but if it had been arranged better she would have been awesome. Mark told her she was 'adorablicious but needs to be bootylicious' and that she needs to be 'more rooted in her body'(!) (??)
    eek, etc.

    Sister girlfriend was sharp as a whip as per usual - yelling out excitedly 'andrew, did you change your hair? Did you chage your haaiiiiir?' no less than 45 minutes into the show. And she said it when G and the stoned one were getting all fiesty with the other judges about something else. So everyone ignored her. Completely. It actually made my cheeks flush with embarrasment.

    Damien was good.

    Chris did this weird thing (like in the photo) where after every line or two he threw his head back and kicked one of his legs out to the side. It was *weird*, and not at all good.

    The rest...meh.

     
  • At 5:50 PM, October 23, 2006, Blogger Scott said…

    Oh, I hate it when Marcia speaks the Girlfriend Language and it goes unnoticed. I wish I had seen that. Not to mention "more rooted in her body". I hate VCRs :-(

     
  • At 9:00 PM, October 23, 2006, Blogger comicstriphero said…

    Quote of the evening:

    Marcia (to Jessica): You know, jazz is jazz. And I think you just sang jazz.

    Or thereabouts.

     
  • At 1:17 AM, October 24, 2006, Blogger weasel said…

    It was the usual cavalcade of beige. But now Losa Mitchell is gone and we can all celebrate!

     

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