Scott, To Be Certain


Monday, July 30, 2007


Last night's brilliant eviction of Nostril Demon Billy and the execrable moron Travis have paved the way for one of the most interesting and close finale battles in BB history. I thought it timely to take a look at how Zach and Aleisha fare against their predecessors.

BB01 - Ben v Blair

A devastatingly bland finale after the surprise eviction of Sara-Marie at the penultimate hurdle. Ben, no doubt a stellar bloke, with his reserved, slightly sensitive but ultimately rather boring nature, became one of the leading prototypes for future victors on this show. The finale show itself, however, was well staged, with the "Winner's Walk" taking Ben past each of his fellow housemates in the order of their elimination.

BB02 - Peter v Marty

A virtual repeat of BB01, with the insipid Peter beating identikit country bumpkin Marty. It's surprising that this rancid season didn't spell the end of BB at the time, given its lacklustre band of characters.

BB03 - Reggie v Chrissie

The finale of BB03 was a delightful affair, with the endearingly vacant Reggie besting the splendid and fascinating Chrissie. Although it was difficult to choose a winner between these intriguing personalities on paper, the result was a landslide. In the intervening years Reggie divorced her true love, sold up her fish and chip shop and was a trolley dolly with Virgin for a time before being duped out of her show's winnings, ice skating on a reality show and having a child. Meanwhile Chrissie left her copywriting job to become an immensely popular radio host on the Sunshine Coast. She's back in Melbourne now and can be heard as a sometime fill-in for Hughesy & Kate on Nova. Good times.

BB04 - Trevor v Bree

YAWN. The married, deathly uninteresting Trevor, beat the evicted-by-accident Bree in another landslide. Most housemates on their eviction cited Trevor as the undisputed comic presence in the house, leaving viewers scratching their heads. A complete waste of space. But then, there was no-one even remotely satisfactory to vote for in his place. Even worse than BB02, this horrendous atrocity of a line-up was enough to cure even the most persistent cases of insomnia. That 2 of this particular year's selection of housemates - Bree and Fitzy - have been able to manufacture reasonably sustainable media careers is an indictment on the state of Australian television.

BB05 - Logan Greg v Tim

Possibly the best season on record, if only for the inclusion of the amazing, fabulous Vesna and the refreshingly intelligent Tim, whose presence felt like one long dissertation on irony. However, it ended in tears. Needless to say that had the "2SAVE" vote existed in the Vesna era, we would not have had the most unjust victory in the history of reality television foisted on us - that of Logan Greg. Devastating.

BB06 - Jamie v Camilla

An interesting match-up. The horse-dicked, headband-loving, sensitive would-be poet Jamie against the turkey-slapped, acne-ravaged and emotionally vulnerable Camilla. This was noteworthy because it was the first time since Chrissie in BB03 that the country had rallied around an intelligent female contestant. She would have won were it not for the ridiculously one-sided finale show package, which focused heavily on Jamie's relationship with skank Katie and their reunion, manipulating the viewer vote in his favour. After ditching Katie almost immediately, apparently Jamie has already pissed his winnings up a wall and is now back to personal training at a small Melbourne gym. Meanwhile, Camilla is going great guns on Brisbane radio, and is expecting a child later this year. Bless.

The cumulative effect of these 6 years was to establish a very beige pattern. In essence:

- constestants need to be of a non-threatening ethnic origin, unless allegedly hilarious and surrounded by a bevy of even less deserving candidates;

- contestants need to be a white heterosexual male, not so quiet as to be boring, but minimally opinionated and endearingly sensitive on a basic level;

- in order to win, female contestants need to be inoffensive, vacuous but entertaining bogans. Female contestants who are either fabulously loud, ditzy and amusingly high-energy or intriguing and intelligent may go far, particularly if they reveal themselves to be credibly sensitive and aren't sexy or gorgeous, but will always lose out to the comparatively boring white male.

Thankfully, these rules have been joyously ripped to shreds with the current Final 2.

BB07 - Zach v Aleisha

What we have here is a riotously effeminate gay man and a cute young woman vying for the title. This is unprecedented, particularly after such a woeful season. Both feel deserving - Aleisha has apparently endured a challenging life in terms of personal tragedy and has behaved admirably on the show, while Zach's journey to self-acceptance as a gay man from his beginnings in a small country town would have been equally difficult. Aleisha breaks the mould for female competitors doing well on this show, but it must be said that she was assisted by the mass exodus of her fellow women early on. The true discovery here is Zach. Unlike past brethren led by cry-baby Farmer Dave and this year by odious bitch Nick, Zach is immensely likeable. He has simply been himself and we have embraced him for it. There has been no better crusader for the cause of gay men on national television, and yet he is the most unlikely for such a role. As if it needed pointing out, there is only one satisfactory conclusion to this series:


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  • At 1:33 PM, July 30, 2007, Anonymous Ben said…

    Love it Scott. And agree re Zach - his comment about Gretel's hair in the diary room was one of the best moments of the season. (Although that says more about the season than Zach!)

  • At 10:35 PM, July 30, 2007, Blogger Kamikaze Camel said…

    Agreed about Zach. Shame he lost.

    I'm glad he got closer to winning than Woe-Is-The-Gay-Man Dave (no, Dave! Not every gay person has the worst life possible and we don't all clamour around crying our hearts out because we can't get married). I really didn't like Dave at all.

    Also, Vesna was the greatest Big Brother contestant in the entire world, I am pretty certain of that. She is amazing.

    Have you been listening to her snatchcasts over at

  • At 10:40 PM, July 30, 2007, Blogger Scott said…

    Yes, I have KC. Adem is my dear friend and he is heavenly for providing Vesna with an outlet.

    Meanwhile, are you attending the Melbourne Film Fest? I have seen 6 so far (of 20 scheduled...!).

  • At 12:17 AM, July 31, 2007, Blogger Adem IAR said…

    Even though I voted, I just knew 2007 would not be the year an exceptional gay man be crowned winner of Big Brother. It's a shame, seeing as a transexual has taken the title in the UK before, but I think we are a long way off from something like that happening here. But the fact he made it to the final 2 certainly says something about this countries leaps and bounds towards acceptance.

    Speaking of Vesna, she voted 50 times tonight to Save Zach, and a further 20 to Evict Aleisha. I am not looking forward to hearing about her phone bill next month.


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