Scott, To Be Certain


Thursday, March 29, 2007

Fergie From The Block

I am experiencing a massively delayed reaction vis-à-vis the output of Stacy Ferguson.

The woman is a spectacular inventress.

First, she invented herself a killer rack (see above), after having invented herself a credible music career, by way of Black Eyed Peas and a hilarious stint on 'Kids Inc.' as a child (with Martika!).

Then she seized the moniker Fergie from someone who already existed. Seizing things that already exist would later become a hobby (see below).

Her greatest creation is obviously that recent, rich contribution to linguistics 'Fergalicious', a word she was forced to coin after a slagfight with Nelly F and Beyoncé which revealed she was neither bootylicious nor promiscuous but still a coke-snorting bitch.

It's an infectious, shouty slice of feisty pop brilliance which also reveals Stacy's lazy songwriting keen ear for existing good tunes: the song borrows HEAVILY from "Supersonic" by J.J. Fad, an excellent song (with a gloriously 80s video) that is frankly screaming to be copied (cf. Sarah Ferguson). Its catchy 4-syllable hook fits 'Fergalicious' perfectly, and in turn spawned 'Condilicious', which is about exactly who it sounds like it's about. Please witness both gems below and thank me later.

Continuing Stacy's fascination with adjectives, 'Glamorous' is her current single, the obligatory 'I was once poor but, although now famous, am still me' rubbish that successful singer-actresses with guilt complexes feel the need to enunciate to the world.

It's a corker of a tune, hauntingly informing us that being rich and fergalicious has not changed Stace as a person and that she is still, in fact, a coke-snorting bitch.

Yes, she copped out and borrowed an existing word for the title of this song, but the song's lyrics contain a further startling invention. Please inspect the following video at 3:24, 3:16, 3:09, 2:25, 2:18, 2:11, 1:12, 1:05 and 0:57 and tell me what the fuck she is saying.

She appears to be talking about Flopsy and Mopsy, fuck buddies of Cottontail in the Peter Rabbit stories.

If it is not "Flopsy, Mopsy..." that she singing, is it perhaps "flossy, flossy..."? If so, surely dental floss is an affordable grocery item no matter what your level of wealth or fergaliciousness? Please tell me, in the comments, if you know what the fuck this means, or I will be forever condemned to sing along in the car with "Flopsy, Mopsy" in my head on loop.

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