Scott, To Be Certain


Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Let's Play Charades

Initially, it was all looking a bit vomitously familiar, for a period of consecutively grouped nanoseconds.

You know, the tale of how the most deserving Wild Card, an irresistibly cute female singer and quite passionately loved competitor generally, is left bereft on her stool, missing out on her dream a second time.

Ngaiire Joseph

But it quickly revealed itself to be a charade, my friends! A fucking CHARADE!

Kind of like a charade arising from a crap game of charades involving basic props. (But in every other respect a fairly basic game of charades, right down to the folded bits of paper in a hat.)

I tell you what though. If I pulled that fucker out of a hat, my prop would be a stool, emanating freshly from my own arse for symbolic good measure.

I love Roxane, but as if she and her little gaffa tape were ever going to miss out!

Version endorsed by Anne Robertson

Last night, the judges played out such a ridiculous little theatre pretending that Roxane might miss out on the finals, but she was so clearly the best Wild Card and so even more clearly the judges' favourite on Monday that it was NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN.

Kyle foreshadowed her selection on Sunday with "loved it, loved it, loved deserve to be in the competition". Marcia labelled her "a contender" and used the term "finest voice".

On Monday, of Roxane and Dan Spillane, the two top vote-getters, Kyle opined, "that's who I would've chosen". No other competitor was so lauded, and none had so grievously been denied in her semi-final.

There can be no clearer indication that Roxane was going through in any event.

Plus, there is absolutely no other way to justify putting James Kannis and Emily Williams through over Roxane. None.

Britney performing Lauryn Hill's "To Zion", dressed by Emily Williams

The judges were very clearly told beforehand who the Top 2 were, chose their wildcards from the best of the others, and decided that if Roxane was not the one voted through that they would include her anyway and that’s THAT.

And because these things are so much more exciting when they're staged, we were treated to an "urgent conference" between the judges and a director while Dan was singing.

Roxane, please bow before she who paved the way:

And to finish, a picture of a total hack with rich parents:

That is all.


  • At 7:41 PM, September 06, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Interesting blog you have here, I have added it to my list and will check in often!

    Best Wishes,
    Read Faster

  • At 8:01 PM, September 06, 2005, Anonymous alex said…

    Snarky idol comments and spam en francais. Loving the blog, keep it up.

  • At 8:57 AM, September 07, 2005, Anonymous Bec said…

    Ah Scottie - couldn't have put it better myself. Worth the wait. Bring on Sunday and the hopeful demise of the Hack.

  • At 9:35 AM, September 07, 2005, Blogger Woodsman said…

    Ngairre and Roxanne..." irresistibly cute female singer(s)"...hmmm I am not so sure that you have a talent for picking good looking women. Perhaps you should ask the lovely KD'esque Leah Rushforth her thoughts on how irresistable these ladies are - though she may still be "not liking herself very much" after losing the final of Dykes on Mikes in Sydney last week (now confirmation as yet that Missy Higgins was the winner).

  • At 9:36 AM, September 07, 2005, Anonymous Betty Jay said…

    Ah Scott To Be Certain, you're so on form, just lovin' it.

    I wonder if there are any mathematicians out there who could work out approximately how much it would cost the Hack's parents and extended family to make sure she becomes Australian Idol 2006.

    And will they get RSI or just pay a backroom of illegal immigrants to text?

  • At 9:42 AM, September 07, 2005, Blogger Scott said…

    I won't be debated on this, and have summoned my most vehement Harlem neck swivel to ram it home.

    Since when did "cute" equate to "good-looking"?

    "Irresistibly cute" specifically designates those people who one must call upon deep reserves of willpower not to physically assault by way of a thumb and forefinger to the (facial) cheek.

    Thank you.

  • At 10:27 AM, September 07, 2005, Blogger Woodsman said…

    and I have mentioned before that looking like a Mogwai does not make me want to buy any record she ever makes...unless it is called "Somebody bring me some water" or "Baby when the Lights go out".

    Casey is an exception as her voice and song choice was infinitely better than her competition. This may also allow Chris Luder to finish in the top 3.

    And news just to hand...the suburb of Airport West has been innundated with "Vote Laura" posters - that's right the Hack has forked out on an advertising campaign!

  • At 1:36 PM, September 08, 2005, Blogger The Student said…

    Am I the only person who enjoys the sick joke that is the Giss making it so far already?

    I will be voting for her. I want to see what sort of utter shit she can churn out each week.

  • At 1:40 PM, September 08, 2005, Blogger Scott said…

    No, you're not the only one. Fop ( is also an accredited Giss-Taker™.


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