Where is Chanel Cole?

On the shithouse Australian Idol website, you can click on a special section entitled "Where are they now?".

So clicking reveals that the collective pronoun in fact refers to previous Idol contestants, some of which are profiled in that section insofar as they've been doing things vaguely qualifying as a career since their time on the show.

The picture they use to advertise the "Where are they now?" section is one of the wonderful Chanel Cole:



In a regrettably accurate attempt at irony, Chanel Cole is not one of the contestants profiled. This is all the sadder given that the execrable Courtney Murphy is credited on that page with having apparently done something other than swim in a large vat of vegetable oil.

It pains me to see that the libidinous Cole is not on any sort of musical or public consciousness radar at present. So where IS she?

A brief surf of the internet reveals that she has quite an impressive website here, where she philosophises and bursts into Virginia Woolf-like stream-of-consciousness ramblings, but with nowhere near the same amount of semicolons.

Musically, the website reveals that Chanel is about to release a group project with a duo known as Statler and Waldorf, as well as Daniel Belle, a fellow ex-Idol contestant not profiled on the Idol site and who Chanel regularly bonks in some sort of official, ongoing way. Chanel describes the project's output as "an album of mostly downtempo beats with beautiful melodies and insane harmonies".

Sexually, Chanel and Daniel are doubtless suffering from UTI. She is obviously obsessed with Daniel and says, of his penchant for raunchy bedside reading material, that he can "read any magazine he wants if in return he makes love to me twice as much!"

Surely that, at least, warranted a brief profile on the Australian Idol website?

So there you have it. You'd think Chanel would be somewhere more interesting by now.

Perhaps I'm just being impatient.

Or perhaps this is yet more signature work of sabotage by the Marcia God.