Scott, To Be Certain

DISCOURSE, DIGRESSION AND DIATRIBE FOR YOUR DAILY DIGESTION

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Where is Chanel Cole?



On the shithouse Australian Idol website, you can click on a special section entitled "Where are they now?".

So clicking reveals that the collective pronoun in fact refers to previous Idol contestants, some of which are profiled in that section insofar as they've been doing things vaguely qualifying as a career since their time on the show.

The picture they use to advertise the "Where are they now?" section is one of the wonderful Chanel Cole:



In a regrettably accurate attempt at irony, Chanel Cole is not one of the contestants profiled. This is all the sadder given that the execrable Courtney Murphy is credited on that page with having apparently done something other than swim in a large vat of vegetable oil.

It pains me to see that the libidinous Cole is not on any sort of musical or public consciousness radar at present. So where IS she?

A brief surf of the internet reveals that she has quite an impressive website here, where she philosophises and bursts into Virginia Woolf-like stream-of-consciousness ramblings, but with nowhere near the same amount of semicolons.

Musically, the website reveals that Chanel is about to release a group project with a duo known as Statler and Waldorf, as well as Daniel Belle, a fellow ex-Idol contestant not profiled on the Idol site and who Chanel regularly bonks in some sort of official, ongoing way. Chanel describes the project's output as "an album of mostly downtempo beats with beautiful melodies and insane harmonies".

Sexually, Chanel and Daniel are doubtless suffering from UTI. She is obviously obsessed with Daniel and says, of his penchant for raunchy bedside reading material, that he can "read any magazine he wants if in return he makes love to me twice as much!"

Surely that, at least, warranted a brief profile on the Australian Idol website?

So there you have it. You'd think Chanel would be somewhere more interesting by now.

Perhaps I'm just being impatient.

Or perhaps this is yet more signature work of sabotage by the Marcia God.

3 Comments:

  • At 4:29 PM, August 09, 2005, Blogger Woodsman said…

    I have one word for you Scotty

    Capers.

    Yep Cha Cha has ripped the IV heroin line out of Debbie Byrnes arm and managed not to get flattened by Collette Mann and shimmied her way onto the caberet stage in Auburn. Let's just hope she has decided against any Blu Cantrall this time around.

     
  • At 4:35 PM, August 09, 2005, Blogger Scott said…

    I was going to mention her little Capers performance but I couldn't bring myself to acknowledge it.

    Those with stronger stomachs (like Daniel Belle's sizeable one) can see the ad for her Capers performance with Daniel at:
    http://www.capersmelbourne.com.au/Whats%20On/August/chandan.htm

     
  • At 2:01 PM, August 10, 2005, Anonymous Bec said…

    Until recently one of the nameless blonde females from AI2
    Top 30 was performing in "Midnight Magic" at Jupiters on the Gold Coast. Don't ask how I came to see the show. I suspect I was drugged and dragged by friends. But I digress. All I could think of as I watched her play a doll that had come to life by the "midnight magic" was "AI really should have taught you to lipsync better love". Steller career in the making there.

     

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