Scott, To Be Certain


Thursday, July 28, 2005

True, Unadulterated Pus

Melbournians can be proud that self-esteem amongst young people is apparently at an all-time high in this state, but so too are delusions of grandeur.

The second night of AI3 was notable for its array of impossibly lame try-hards and for a memorable expression of displeasure by Queen Innocuous, Marcia "Beanz Meanz" Hines.

Now, first: Lest any of you continue imagining that Kyle, Mark and Marcia can actually sit through 4000 auditions in two eight hour sessions, I should point out that the show’s executive producers are the first ones would-be Idols must impress before even earning a spot before the hallowed panel of three. Those producers slice their way Popstars-cattle-call-style through the throng of psychotically inaccurate self-appraisors, choosing performers for their TV value regardless of talent. Which is why we are subjected to unjustifiably prolonged shots of idiots dressed up as Care Bears or giant mangoes who clearly can’t sing, because, apparently, it’s funny to watch. ("It’s not." – Entire Australian Idol Viewership)

The effort these people go to – hiring costumes, waiting for hours in the cold, simply to face an inevitable declaration of their utter shitness – is beyond me. But perhaps being let through the first time by those executive producers leads to delusional hacks thinking they can make it, such as:

*That unbearably attractive peroxided whore
*That dude, with a vaguely disconcerting woollen knit featuring a side zip, who actually believed a split-second blunder separated him from the Top 100 and dared to challenge Holden on it (the latter at the time sporting an alarming set of man titties)
*That dentist’s nightmare wishing Holden to be subjected to a double turdburger lashing in the face

The night belonged, however, to the rather-pleased-with-himself 17 year old whose irresistible talent was inexplicably rejected by the judging panel.

While Kyle sought an appropriate insult to level at the flamboyant shit-merchant, Marcia wasted no time in likening him to a viscous outpouring of bodily fluid.

Kyle: "That…was…"
Marcia: "Pus." [imperceptible neck swivel, silent but implied "Mm-hmm."] "True, unadulterated pus."

Sister-girlfriend is decidedly not down with dumb-asses bein’ all up in her face. Let’s hope that Chanel-era Marcia is just warming up or it’s going to be a long ride to Sydney.


  • At 8:30 PM, July 28, 2005, Blogger TallulahBelle said…

    Ummmm, blondie wannabe Xtina Aguilera - was it just me or did anyone else think Donatella Versace??

    (Love your work Scott . . . )

  • At 1:24 PM, July 29, 2005, Anonymous Bec said…

    Personally I thought drag queen (a very cheap, local RSL version at that!)

  • At 12:17 PM, July 30, 2005, Blogger chunu said…

    I try to avoid the car crash early episodes of Idols (whether American, Canadian or Australian) partly because when they have the announcement and/or kicking out shows at the end of the series they show the final 10/12 from the start. But yes, have had AusIdol in the background Tuesday and Wednesday, that beanbag on legs comment was so uncalled for.

    Maybe when BB winds down I will have more time to allocate to my crap TV quota LOL.

    Good blog so far Scott :)


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