Scott, To Be Certain


Friday, June 24, 2005

News Justine: Hardenne Soft

All eyes are on Wimbledon as we take to the grass for another year (in an entirely different but no less fervent way to Jennifer Capriati in the mid-90s).

OK, I admit the first-round loss of former world No. 1 Justine Henin-Hardenne doesn’t really qualify as "news" this late in the week, but it really was a decidedly shock exit by the buxom Belgian. And really, how could I resist the double pun! (Answer me that, please.)

Which got me thinking. As I was crafting double puns and double entendres arising from the double-barrelled name of a pathetic Wimbledon loser, I realised what a catastrophic shame it is to have one less hyphenated moniker to wreak havoc with the ever traditional digital scoreboard on Wimbledon’s Centre Court. (They can’t fit the word "Mrs" on when Justine plays! Isn’t that HYSTERICAL.)

Actually, the sport of female tennis is globally all the poorer for the retirement over the years of the following familiar and lesser-known psychosyllabic double delights.


Ros Fairbank-Nideffer (South Africa)
Brenda Schultz-McCarthy (Holland)
Manuela Maleeva-Fragniere (Switzerland)
Julie Halard-Decugis (France)
Pascale Paradis-Mangon (Spain)
Claudia Kohde-Kilsch (Germany)
Larisa Savchenko-Neiland (Latvia)
Alexia Dechaume-Ballaret (France)

Do you weep for a departed double whammy not on this list? E-mail me so that we may bring their hyphen back to world stage! (Please note that Arantxa, Conchita and that whole sangria set do not feature as they apparently don’t espouse the hyphen (or waxing).)

Sadly, the future for this species is dim. The following racquet-wielders join Justine in the 2005 Wimbledon outbox:

Maria Vento-Kabchi (Venezuela)
Marina Diaz-Oliva (Argentina)
Stephanie Cohen-Aloro (France)

But ALL IS NOT LOST, because there is such a player as ANNA SMASHNOVA-PISTOLESI (Israel)!

This, quite frankly, is one of the best sporting names ever. Sadly, she lost too this year. But I think she will have an excellent "shot" next year, so please keep "gunning" for her.

That is all.


  • At 12:08 PM, June 28, 2005, Blogger Woodsman said…

    I would like to add Lindsay Lee-Waters to that list.

    And this one is a true gem, indeed even more onomaetopathic than our little Israeli gun...

    Nancy Richey-Gunter (USA)

    yes the "wealthy front-bum", as she was then known, captured the 1967 Australian Championships and was a mainstay in the top 10 through the late 1960s and early 1970s.

    Unfortunately her career was tragically cut short when pleated tennis skirts replaced elastic waistbands with a more restrictive button design.


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