BSB No. 00 0001

It is time to locate one’s cud and promptly ruminate therewith. The subject? The ARIA singles chart.*

Biggest disappointment



#1. Sadly, the week belongs to the Backstreet Boys and their coveted bank account details. This lyrically unsound nightmare of a song has sold in quantities measurable by reference to the capacity of an impressively large freight vehicle and features conceptually alarming assertions like "Empty spaces fill me up with holes" and, ambiguously, "without you within me I can’t find no rest".

Who gets paid to write this shit? At least there’s a consistent "orifice" theme happening. Which goes some way to creating the idea of a "void" in the collective android heart of BSB. Hey, maybe the lyricist was on to something… Anyway, whatever the case, methinks BSB quite like being without rest and are likely to remain in that state so long as they continue appealing to the loneliness of young girls with strap-ons. (OK, and to gays.)

Favourite debut



#5. Ricki Lee! The satanic former Idol contestant has fashioned a generational catchcry with her subtle evocation of Hades in the new song "Hell No!". Whatever the merits of this song, RL is the first ex-Idol contestant to "launch" her "assault" on the music scene with a non-ballad and I think she should be appropriately applauded for that move. Here is Jewel putting her hands together for Ricki Lee:


NB: Jewel’s own hands (NOT yours)

It is rumoured that Ricki-Lee is now preparing to unleash a storming R&B/electropop rehash of Lamb’s ethereal “Gorecki”. The delightful “GoRicki” features a rap by Ricki Lake and haunting back-up vocals by Tiffany**!

* It is hoped this will become a weekly segment, just as soon as one’s access to and understanding of blogging software become aligned. When is this likely to happen

** Tiffany Lamb! Wouldn’t that be clever?