Lohan Behold

After some initial reticence, I now officially love Lindsay Lohan, "star" of the new film "Herbie: Fully Loaded".

During an appearance “via satellite” on Rove last night, Ms Lohan was variously entertaining, witty and self-effacing. For example, immediately after declaring herself to be concurrently lucky and "blessed", Lindsay audibly guffawed at the magnitude of her ridiculous cliché! "Oh my gosh, I was like SO heartfelt just then."

Other things I learned during four minutes of typically inept interviewing by Rove:

* Lindsay apparently IS tired of being followed – she was Rove’s last interview subject of the night!
* Lindsay lives in a trailer! (All those rumours of diva-esque behaviour are SO, like, untrue)
* Lindsay likes watching scary movies like "The Shining" in her trailer
* Utilities snob Lindsay likes to distinguish between "power" and "electricity"
* Lindsay is classy! Her colossal mammaries, which were carefully reduced in the film’s post-production process by digital enhancement (following outrage from test audiences in Utah), were nowhere in sight!
* Lindsay is both modest and intelligent! When questioned about being the constant subject of media interest, she responded not by merely reciting her lyrically haunting song "Rumours" but instead by giving a succinct lecture on her understanding of the essential principles of a laissez-faire economy
* Lindsay’s preparations for her exciting new role filling Christian Bale’s shoes in The Machinist 2 appear to be well under way

Yes. Although L-Lo had me at "Hello", her current statuesque appearance pains me (where by "statue" I mean those creepy things waiting for a tram at the corner of Bourke and Swanston).

Ms Lohan, a serious method actor, obviously spent so much time and effort remaining "fully loaded" during the filming of her latest flick that she has now wasted away to resemble a poor freckled Lara Flynn Boyle for the tweenies set. Which gives those trailer screenings of "The Shining", a Jack Nicholson film, a very disturbing flavour indeed. One wonders if she watches said film on her lonesome, engaging in a little digital enhancement of her own.

It is admittedly fashionable to deride Ms Lohan for her current "look". But really, could someone please shovel some carbohydrates down this woman’s oesophagus immediately.

Could that same someone then please undertake to explain to Americans that if they propose to pronounce the first word of Lindsay’s new film title with an aspirate "H" then they ought to do so with the word "herbs" as well. Thank you.

*dismounts from soapbox*

P.S. If none of this is possible then I still want one of these: