Scott, To Be Certain


Monday, June 27, 2005

This Fuel is Bananas

The following random sentence caught my eye at the printer today.

"This waste is attractive as a potential energy feedstock because it is extremely homogenous, comes in high concentrations within a small geographic area, and is fully bio-degradable."

Without the benefit of the entire source text, I had no way of knowing what the sentence related to.

Since Range Rovers aren’t bio-degradable, I knew immediately it couldn’t be about Toorak residents. But little did I know the sentence was actually about BANANAS!

It seems the exterior of that fleshy crescent-shaped fruit is the subject of a curious article appearing in today’s Age. Specifically, scientists are developing fuel replacement strategies that involve the use of banana skins. Lots of them, maybe even this many:

Yes, that redoubtable political powerhouse, the Australian Banana Growers’ Council (“ABGC”), today declared banana skin fuel to be an innovative and economical alternative to environmentally unfriendly energy consumption, at least on the basis of their research to date.

While we await their final conclusions, it has become clear that the innovation is not entirely ABGC’s. All eyes will be on the degree of recognition afforded to ABGC’s principal but thus far uncredited research source: Gwen Stefani.

In early 2005, Ms Stefani was the first to publicly liken the fruit to faecal matter in "Hollaback Girl", her haunting ode to a young woman born without vertebrae. The song, which has resultantly raised awareness globally of the myriad alternative uses for and guises of the common banana, is considered to be indicative of Ms Stefani’s current power quotient in world politics and decision-making. (Ms Stefani is also credited with returning the plight of pirates, spelling standards and, soon, Bananarama to the international agenda.)

The impact on ABGC’s future funding, in the event of inadequate recognition of Ms Stefani’s efforts, is immeasurable.

Stay tuned for a potentially gaseous explosive legal "stoush".

No doubt Gwen has her intellectual property team all over this, her shit.


  • At 1:32 PM, June 28, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Personally I wish Ms Stefani and her hollaback girls would go and slip on a bunch of this energy source and put us all out of our misery.

  • At 1:33 PM, June 28, 2005, Anonymous Bec said…

    Personally I wish Ms Stefani and her hollaback girls would go and slip on a bunch of this energy source and put us all out of our misery.

  • At 1:34 PM, June 28, 2005, Anonymous bec said…

    sorry about the double posting. computers!

  • At 1:37 PM, June 28, 2005, Blogger Scott said…

    Well I can't say I agree with your wish. I quite like Ms Stefani and her continuing affection for the word "girl".

    Though there is something quite comical about all this. Banana peels, lab coats... Was this the premise for a Jerry Lewis film?

  • At 6:17 PM, June 29, 2005, Blogger Handcuffed Lightning said…

    Or maybe the Marx brothers?


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