AI5: Verdict 2 & Semifinal 3

This episode delivered the series' first set of surprises.

1. ProActiv's next posterboy, Ben McKenzie, delivering the performance of the competition so far (see below);

2. Bookies' favourite Lyall Adonis conversely delivering a god-awful train wreck; and

3. Lana "Hello Kitty" Krost making the finals.


A nervous Lana before the show

WTF?

The only aesthetic disparity between Hello Kitty and Hello Krostie is that the former has no mouth. Nonetheless, it's likely that the former's performance would have been superior. And so Monday night's worst performer has sailed into the Top 12 on the back of a sickeningly cutesy rendition of a Fergie song, thereby ensuring a repeat for Australian viewers of this atrocity:



That would be Lauren, from Season 1. Don't tell me you can't see it coming.

But we simply must make the most of a bad situation and focus on the positives: Lana is cute. And she has an endearingly warped accent, with vague remnants of Japanese inflection, and a disturbingly vacant stare, combining to create an overall effect not unlike O-Ren Ishii:



Dicko clearly nailed it on the head when he recommended facetiously, "Perform last." Viewers have short memories, and to date this has benefitted both Lana and Jacob Butler. Meanwhile, caterwauling powerhouse Parasite Williams Vushe was the only obvious choice to make it through. Again dressed affordably, Parasite took about 8 minutes to explain to us that she couldn't sleep, by the end of which not a single viewer could say the same. Better luck in the Wild Card round Cheray.

Now on to the boys, in descending order of quality.

6. Lyall Adonis



COPYCAT ALERT! This song delivered a touchdown to Dan England in Season 3: Strike 1. This was absolutely terrible, and inescapably infused with an incongruous touch of the Jesus, from the audition package reference to a "carpenter resurrection" through to his dramatic "on the cross" raising of the arms: Strike 2. And when Marcia don't dig it, even when you TAKE IT TO CHURCH: Strike 3. What a shame.

5. Dave Andrews



For someone who's an alleged fan of Radiohead and Queen, stripping a John Farnham up-tempo classic back into a ballad seems like a misguided choice to say the least. This limp, insipid performance was such a wasted opportunity. I find it interesting that semi-finalists who rely on their instruments to define their music - Dave, Natalie Gauci - revert to boring ballads when equipped only with a microphone. At what point do these people say, "Yes, my finest reaction thus far has come during an acoustic rendition of a Radiohead song; I think it's obvious that my next choice should be some Farnham!"

4. Marty Simpson, a.k.a My Son's Armpit



He brushed up much cleaner than I could possibly have anticipated. But aside from the eyebrows, this time Marty's fatal mistake was to not have decided in advance what to do with his right arm while performing: he awkwardly held it mid-air alongside the microphone as though creating parentheses for the lyrics. Either that, or it was a failed attempt at visually interpreting the song's title, "Over My Head". I share Dicko's love of this guy's voice, but this was utterly pedestrian.

3. Jack Byrnes



Jack's accessory of choice seems to be a HUGE JACKET. He is always wearing one, even during "busy" performances. Credit to him for still finding a way to move under its weight: for a greasy, chubby guy with braces, he's definitely got soul. "You took it to church!" wailed Marcia, in one of her better moments. But there was also something absolutely filthy and visually assaulting about Jack's hyper-sexual and strangely effeminate onstage grooving. When Dicko called him on his womanly jives, Jack was quick to call him "Dude" in order to conclusively nip any rumours in the bud. Nice work. And while Jack was good and all, his pre-performance package mostly made me rue that we never got to meet the Rihanna look-alike the the judges ditched from his audition group of 4. How seriously did she fuck up that she was sacrificed in favour of someone like Country De Rouge? I think I need therapy.

2. Mark Da Costa



"Thought I was at the pub!" Mark exclaimed at the end amid crowd cheers. Indeed. I know this was a capable rock performance, but all I could think of was Kelly "Rock Chick" Cavuoto's equal if not superior Season 1 version of this song. I also resent that he appears to have broken the unwritten Idol rule that audition songs are not to be re-performed: this formed the basis of his FIRST AUDITION, quite rightly pointed out by the brilliant Glen (read him here at one of my favourite sites, Stale Popcorn). Still, let's not get too worked up. This was better than every single other male semi-final performance barring Number 1 below.

1. Ben McKenzie



Ben loves Imogen Heap and Brooke Fraser, both brilliant female singer-songwriters. If you cover your eyes as he speaks, he sounds a bit like Jennifer Hawkins. And as Ben sang "Daughters" as his audition song, one assumes he identified closely with the song's subject. So there is definitely an androgynous theme developing in Ben's screen persona, but there is no denying that this was an excellent performance. It was also the first opportunity for Marcia to bust out something about story-telling, which is invariably a veiled attempt to compliment herself. But she was right: this was an unexpected delight, and I sense he has earned his place in the finals.