Scott, To Be Certain


Sunday, August 19, 2007

AI5: Straight Lines To The Semi-Finals

This is where things start to get interesting.

The recessive gene pool of tone-deaf middle Australia has taken its bruised egos and banana suits back home for another year, to make way for the genuinely entertaining drama of group performance preparation and, occasionally, to some talent.

The Seymour Centre stage of proceedings has been home to some of Idol's trashiest and most memorable moments. In Season 3 it gave us Chris Luder's unforgettable rendition of Terrence Trent D'Arby's "Sign Your Name"; last year we painfully bore witness to Klancie Keough's verge-of-death blubbering of "Me? Did you say me?!" on being told she'd made the semi-finals; and who could forget, also from last year, the inimitable Jorge Bec.

Jorge was the guy who alleged to be 30 despite looking about 37, whose face was constantly lacquered in a fine sheen, who vigorously asserted his "metrosexual" status and who inanely explained that by having announced his desire to leave, he actually meant simply "leave the lyrics". Good times.

The editors have this year passed the honorary Jorge Bec mantle to Jasmine Anderson, the girl from NT who in her audition impressively switched from song to song at a moment's notice. Since arriving at the Seymour Centre, Jasmine has:

- experienced nodules;
- threatened to quit;
- somehow made it through her audition;
- baselessly expressed a distaste for the lyrical prowess of Daniel Johns; and
- announced, implausibly, that her music "touches people" when she sings.

Mark Holden also entertainingly labelled her a "miserable cow" in a beautifully staged hotel room episode. It seems futile for Jasmine to continue after that event, given that the editors have positioned her as the One To Hate. There is no coming back from that, I'm afraid.

Elsewhere, did we all notice the Who's Who of reality TV singing competitions returning for another dubious tilt at glory?

Chubby-cheeked Jacob Butler from Channel 10's woeful X Factor is still plugging away. It's been just 2 years since that botched abortion of a show, during which Jacob claimed to be 22. Now he's 27. Go figure.

Sarah Gardner is in there, too. Remember her? Sarah finished 3rd in the pathetic fourth series of Popstars, despite singing like a wounded gerbil - wounded in exactly the way you're currently imagining. Of course, no-one watched that dreadful piece of shit, so it is perhaps pointless to scrutinise the voting result. It's been 3 years since that show and Sarah is still persisting with an apparent joint passion for music and blond highlights.

The show's producers appear to have already anointed Daniel Mifsud as a potential winner, according him a significant portion of airtime in tonight's episode. I'm going to come right out and say it: I'm not particularly a fan of his drab voice and penchant for scarves. Scarves are a useful winter accessory designed to provide warmth, but Daniel sees only their aesthetic value, electing to drape one uselessly across his shoulder while exposing his repulsive chest in a v-neck t-shirt. Plus, he committed one of the cardinal Idol sins of performing a song memorably sung by a past performer - "Green Limousine", which Chanel ably used to test the waters of the Final 12 in Season 2. So, no points for Daniel.

My picks so far: Lyall Adonis and Cyndi Dietrich, who both possess names tailor-made for a recording career. The latter was unfortunate to cop the brunt of the judges' wrath in Jasmine's group performance; she actually has one of the loveliest female voices I've heard this year.

Quotes of the night:

"If I mention your name, please step forward." - Marcia

I love this. It's as though Marcia is preparing to launch into a monologue a-propos of nothing, during which she just might, in passing, simply mention one of the performers on stage. Perhaps.

"You approached that melody tenderly, lovingly and caringly." - Marcia
"I'm pretty not relaxed." - Unrelaxed Male Performer

Tomorrow night's episode seems poised to give the drama of last year a run for its money. At the least, it appears that one particular sister-girlfriend will be channelling God in her performance, much to Marcia's delight.

Perhaps we'll also be treated to the suite of what transpired under that umbrella between James and Andy G. You could so easily imagine James cooing "Come into me, come into me", Rihanna-style, into Andy's ear, don't you think?

Until tomorrow night, why not revisit S2BC's ongoing Top 20 All-Time Australian Idol Performances. Numbers 8 and 7 coming up shortly.

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  • At 8:45 AM, August 20, 2007, Blogger comicstriphero said…

    I think it may have been the wine glass of Baileys on the counter-top that gave it away, by my lord, Mark Holden was off his tits during his totally unrehearsed and completely spontaneous hotel room outburst.

    Also, despite looking way too much like Prince and Jack Sparrow's love-child, points to Husni for the following line "we're just giving you our opinion and when you don't like it, you crack the shits."

  • At 9:47 AM, August 20, 2007, Blogger Scott said…

    I've heard people erroneously liken Husni to Johnny Depp. Please.

    CSH, did you adore that Vushne girl's God-praising? Even Marcia seemed uncomfortable. I can't wait until she predictably causes either a flood of tears from Marcia, or alternatively, elicits the first real sister-girlfriend neck swivel of 2007.

  • At 11:00 AM, August 20, 2007, Anonymous Ben said…

    I think you might be spot on with the James M call - Andy G often cops the gay jokes as we know but I hear from a reliable source it's James that parks his bike up the dirt track.

    I somehow knew you'd pick up on the Marcia comments Scott - there's something reassuring in that!

  • At 12:43 AM, August 21, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Sarah Gardner MY GOD. I *seriously* thought she was mentally deficient the first time I saw her perform on Flopstars. I was convinced they were doing some sort of special thing for people with disabilities...


  • At 9:59 AM, August 21, 2007, Anonymous Idol Geek said…

    Jacob Butler wasn't the only ex-X factor contestant --- check out the link you posted Scott and the pic of the 16-24 'lockdown' contestants. In the front low on the left is Sarah 'the Fringe' Lloyde. Apart from donning some new hoop earrings, it looks like not much has changed in the past two years.

    Can you believe they said no to Dewayne Everettsmith ??

  • At 6:47 PM, August 21, 2007, Blogger Kamikaze Camel said…

    I like the Prince guy and the God worshipper, but I'm with you on Mifsud (along with pretty much every other guy that was put through). Seems like a boring ol' "senstive man with guitar" routine.

    And so many of the girls were of the Jewel variety it hurt. Not that I like any of the ones that didn't get through, but still. Yawn. Is the entire series just going to be men singing Pete Murray, women singing Jewel, Husni singing Madonna (!!) and Vushni singing Whitney? Hmmm.


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