AI5: Straight Lines To The Semi-Finals

This is where things start to get interesting.

The recessive gene pool of tone-deaf middle Australia has taken its bruised egos and banana suits back home for another year, to make way for the genuinely entertaining drama of group performance preparation and, occasionally, to some talent.

The Seymour Centre stage of proceedings has been home to some of Idol's trashiest and most memorable moments. In Season 3 it gave us Chris Luder's unforgettable rendition of Terrence Trent D'Arby's "Sign Your Name"; last year we painfully bore witness to Klancie Keough's verge-of-death blubbering of "Me? Did you say me?!" on being told she'd made the semi-finals; and who could forget, also from last year, the inimitable Jorge Bec.



Jorge was the guy who alleged to be 30 despite looking about 37, whose face was constantly lacquered in a fine sheen, who vigorously asserted his "metrosexual" status and who inanely explained that by having announced his desire to leave, he actually meant simply "leave the lyrics". Good times.

The editors have this year passed the honorary Jorge Bec mantle to Jasmine Anderson, the girl from NT who in her audition impressively switched from song to song at a moment's notice. Since arriving at the Seymour Centre, Jasmine has:

- experienced nodules;
- threatened to quit;
- somehow made it through her audition;
- baselessly expressed a distaste for the lyrical prowess of Daniel Johns; and
- announced, implausibly, that her music "touches people" when she sings.

Mark Holden also entertainingly labelled her a "miserable cow" in a beautifully staged hotel room episode. It seems futile for Jasmine to continue after that event, given that the editors have positioned her as the One To Hate. There is no coming back from that, I'm afraid.

Elsewhere, did we all notice the Who's Who of reality TV singing competitions returning for another dubious tilt at glory?

Chubby-cheeked Jacob Butler from Channel 10's woeful X Factor is still plugging away. It's been just 2 years since that botched abortion of a show, during which Jacob claimed to be 22. Now he's 27. Go figure.



Sarah Gardner is in there, too. Remember her? Sarah finished 3rd in the pathetic fourth series of Popstars, despite singing like a wounded gerbil - wounded in exactly the way you're currently imagining. Of course, no-one watched that dreadful piece of shit, so it is perhaps pointless to scrutinise the voting result. It's been 3 years since that show and Sarah is still persisting with an apparent joint passion for music and blond highlights.



The show's producers appear to have already anointed Daniel Mifsud as a potential winner, according him a significant portion of airtime in tonight's episode. I'm going to come right out and say it: I'm not particularly a fan of his drab voice and penchant for scarves. Scarves are a useful winter accessory designed to provide warmth, but Daniel sees only their aesthetic value, electing to drape one uselessly across his shoulder while exposing his repulsive chest in a v-neck t-shirt. Plus, he committed one of the cardinal Idol sins of performing a song memorably sung by a past performer - "Green Limousine", which Chanel ably used to test the waters of the Final 12 in Season 2. So, no points for Daniel.

My picks so far: Lyall Adonis and Cyndi Dietrich, who both possess names tailor-made for a recording career. The latter was unfortunate to cop the brunt of the judges' wrath in Jasmine's group performance; she actually has one of the loveliest female voices I've heard this year.

Quotes of the night:

"If I mention your name, please step forward." - Marcia

I love this. It's as though Marcia is preparing to launch into a monologue a-propos of nothing, during which she just might, in passing, simply mention one of the performers on stage. Perhaps.

"You approached that melody tenderly, lovingly and caringly." - Marcia
"I'm pretty not relaxed." - Unrelaxed Male Performer

Tomorrow night's episode seems poised to give the drama of last year a run for its money. At the least, it appears that one particular sister-girlfriend will be channelling God in her performance, much to Marcia's delight.

Perhaps we'll also be treated to the suite of what transpired under that umbrella between James and Andy G. You could so easily imagine James cooing "Come into me, come into me", Rihanna-style, into Andy's ear, don't you think?



Until tomorrow night, why not revisit S2BC's ongoing Top 20 All-Time Australian Idol Performances. Numbers 8 and 7 coming up shortly.