Scott, To Be Certain


Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Santa's Little Backstage Helper

Who can blame Salma Hayek for ingesting a little powdery pick-me-up on the morning of the Oscar nominations.

It was 5.30am in the middle of winter, with only her runny nose and uncommonly aggressive response to Penelope Cruz's nomination the only hints of her backstage dalliance with Charlie.

However, some celebrities have been slightly more overt in telegraphing their preferred methods of settling pre-show nerves.

Now, it's no secret that Paula Abdul has had her fair share of incoherent moments on American Idol. This interview, though, is her finest performance.

Which is nothing, of course, when compared to the best onstage "what the fuck was that" performance of all time.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Anna Nicole's most important legacy:

There are so many brilliant contributions to pop culture in this 93 second snippet. How do you rank these gems:

"Like my body?"
"If I ever record an album, I want this guy to produce mah"
"Make me beautiful duet!"
"'Cos he's FREAKIN' GENIUS!"
[Raising hands over head in reverential applause]

It's ironic that at the moment lots of people like her body, principally those seeking to assert their paternity in the great "Who's Her Daddy" case of 2007.

Soon, we will know who exactly made beautiful duet with Anna Nicole, but it's unlikely to involve either genius or applause.

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