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Thursday, February 15, 2007

Brow-sing JoJo's Back Catalogue

It seems there is an entire iceberg of stupefying decisions lurking beneath our surface exploration of the JoJo Marketing Fiasco.

For those of you who don't know who the fuck I'm talking about, allow me a brief summation.



Age: 16
Full name: Joanna Noëlle Levesque
Occupation: Singer
Biggest Hits: "Leave (Get Out)", "Too Little, Too Late"
Likes: Evictions
Dislikes: Small quantities delivered unpunctually

As you know, JoJo has been busy revealing her future tuck-shop lady arms on the front of her new single.



Thankfully, my dear friend Adem pointed out to me that JoJo's "people" have released a far more sensible single cover for the Australian market.



MUCH better - hopefully there is no prescient irony in the song's title.

But this whole saga of variable cover art is obviously of sufficient concern to warrant a full-scale investigation of her back catalogue.

And the results are truly staggering.

Let's take a look at JoJo's first single, "Leave (Get Out)", which marked the very first use of brackets as a proxy thesaurus in the history of recorded music. It had no less than 6 different covers worldwide.

One of them is half-way decent:



Some are innocuous:



And then, of course, the one used in Australia and the United States:



WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT.

In particular, what is she doing with her enormous hand? Is that a pair of binoculars, or a set of jumper leads? Is JoJo actually a Thunderbird, moonlighting as a mechanic? What sort of boardroom dialogue preceded the selection of this warped cover art for the world's biggest market?

There is a possibility I know fuck-all since the song went to #12 in the US and to #2 here. And I suppose I should be thankful her "people" have since lifted their game. As far as I can tell, there are only 3 versions of "Too Little, Too Late".



The last of which appears to cleverly provide a ready-made door in the background through which the subject of JoJo's displeasure will soon be exhorted to depart (exit).

So it's not all bad news - but Universal Music should remain on their toes.

Over at the iTunes Store, which is swarming with erudite critiques of JoJo's output, fans are similarly concerned about the way she is being packaged for consumption.

Molliemomo
boldly suggests, "It sounds like shes sung frew a computer its not nattural".

Indeed. But at least we can count on JoJo's au naturel eyebrow philosophy.

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1 Comments:

  • At 10:18 PM, February 15, 2007, Blogger Adem IAR said…

    Gold.

    Although, I'm going to no doubt have nightmares about JoJo's half-a-neck in most of those photos. Two great singles she's had, this new one and that first one. Step right clear from the album though. Being told you have cervical cancer and are about to die is much more pleasant than sitting through that.

     

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